Permission to Post

I got permission to post some Aiden Kelly Whiteley pictures. Here is my roommates' little one. I thought this picture was adorable! I know you can't really see his face in this picture. Don't worry there will be more to come!

20 Minute Dream about God's Glory

Umm hmm uh so uh yeah hmm okay I can do this. I can explain the hugest God encounter of my entire life. Yeah, I can put into word the indescribable awesomeness of God...okay probably not. I literally just had a 20 minute dream on how beautiful and incomparable God is. I am serious. I just had a 20 minute dream download about God's beauty. Why is He trying to get my attention? Why is He so adamant about having my full attention and affection? I won't tell you the whole dream basically because I can't. It was supernatural. I woke up almost angry. How am I suppose to go through my day after that? How can I go to work? I almost drove off the road because I was singing, "You've Stolen My Heart" at the top of my lungs and not paying attention to traffic. I made it home in one piece, but I am not the same girl. Guys, this dream was overwhelming. I feel like Daniel. I will be sick for three days after this revelation. I will share with you morsels. God was pulling me through a vast expanse of the universe. Stars were flying all around. Then the stars turned into people. Millions of people. Then God asked, "Do you have any idea who you are!??" He said it with overwhelming love and affection. I said, "Probably not!" Then He showed the Father hugging the Son. He said, "Today is your wedding day!" The Son was almost shocked, but then hugged His father and said, "OKAY!" He said it with so much joy, but still a hint of disbelief. Guys there is so much more! The dream also showed God's face fazing in and out. It kept changing and was barely shown. Then I just had this burst of power and love when His eyes came into focus. In my heart I said, "That is how I will recognize Him and know Him! No one could have eyes that showed that amount of passion and beauty. OHHH if I could describe the feeling I would, but I am without words. His eyes were the most enthralling, attractive, alluring eyes in the universe! I can't share the rest. Not because I don't want to. More like I can't. The whole dream was a blast of power and outpouring of heaven. Guys, I am not the same. Okay one more part. I was aware that Jesus was hiding behind something. Then I heard, "Are you ready?"said with excitement and love. Then his face elevated up till I had a full view of his face. He was so close to me. I saw his eyes and his entire face clear as day. I immediately bowed my head down and said, "O MY GOD, You are so beautiful." And he was! This dream went on for a long time, so there was even more. I am so overwhelmed I can't write any more. I need to worship, repent, and usher in His kingdom through prayer.

The Time of Singing

Tonight was our desire more service. I won't waste my time trying to tell you how awesome it was. I would fail to describe it. I felt joy and refreshment, but I really think I would do the Lord a disservice by trying to explain the encounter. But, there is something that I want to speak on.

Corey Russell is coming to Fort Wayne this November. I know I probably idolize him more than I should. I know he is just a man. But his hunger and passion has always moved me. The first time I heard him speak was at One Thing. Everyone was simply sitting in their seats calm and relaxed. I was bent over sobbing loudly. I must have looked like such a fool. But, I could feel the Lord's favor toward this man. I don't think November can come soon enough. I can't even begin to describe my anticipation!!! Here is a sample of His preaching.

Palm Sunday (Long Post)

I consider it an obligation to share with my dear ones the tantalizing details of my favorite day! I put on my favorite dress that I bought for Easter last year. I feel so beautiful in it. I dolled myself up for Jesus. He thinks I look ravishing in it. :)

About an hour before the second service I got a call from Debbie Shinn. Apparently my mother was making a scene at church and they called me to help correct the situation. It was so strange that not more than a month ago I was in that situation. Ranting and raving and having to be escorted out of church. I brought her back to my house with no tension. She loves me! Making it easy to convince her to come with me. She was noticeably sick. I don't know what she did in the time that interrupted the daily grind of church. But, I still recognize that her illness doesn't warrant her staying out of the building. She needs the church and I am perplexed as to how mental illness and structured, organized religion gets a long. (Hmm have I stumbled on a book topic?)

After returning to church for second service I was a little flustered with myself. Having just saved the church from another mentally ill disruption I was determined not to let it spoil my holiday. Yes, seeing the palm branches just melted my heart once again. I really liked the song that the choir selected. Basically it welcomed Jesus into the room. It contrasted with the Pharisees ridicule of the triumphal entry.

Oh, before I even went to church I got an e-mail from an old friend that honestly touched me deeply. One of the encouragement in the letters said this----God has a special place in His heart for you. I had a prophesy about a year ago that said just that. God has a special place in His heart reserved just for me. So that just made my heart leap a little. I love that revelation. Especially on Palm Sunday. It is a special day that God and I share for various reason. Obviously my name means palm tree so I am giddy when I see all the palm branches. But, also I have a deep sorrow that I share with the Lord when He weeps over Jerusalem.

Our young adult group had a SEDER!!! Yep we went through the passover story tonight. I loved every minute of it. I even liked the bitter herbs, yummy. God knows how to romance a girl. Then I finished the night with a concert that was being held at the church. One of the songs was written for me I guarantee it. I know you will laugh, but I honestly think God inspired those words just to prove His love for me.

Finally I have some upsetting news. I DON'T understand the cross. I always just accepted it because it is the basis for the whole Christian religion. But, I have to admit the Father is a complete mystery to me. Why did He choose blood sacrifice for salvation. I can't even begin to unveil my misunderstanding of this mystery. Later I will write another blog on how I am astounded. I am a believer and I am totally puzzled by this plan of salvation. I mean if you really meditate on what Jesus did your flesh coils and your self righteousness tries desperately to justify you. I have much praying to do and plenty of bible to read to renew my mind.

PALM SUNDAY!!!!

Zech 9:9
Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.

Man Behind the Counter

I went out to eat at a restaurant alone. I often go to restaurants by myself. I find it rather relaxing. I don't consider it a necessity to have someone with me. But I was shocked when I went to the register to pay for my meal.

Man behind the counter- Where is your husband or boyfriend?
Tamara- I don't have one. I am single.
Man behind the counter- (face of shock) Really!!??
Tamara- I like being single. It's fun.
Man behind the counter- (another face of shock)

First I was shocked that he even dared to ask me that question. Then I was irritated that he was so stunned that I was alone and still content. Then I was frustrated that I made a big deal out of such a trivial occurrence.

Hillside Pictures

This is a cool machine that Matt Spinks bought. It is a sound mixer. It's the coolest.

Here is Brian helping to lead worship.

This is Emily and her cute pup.

Weight

I use a lot of my strength worrying about my weight. When I went to the hospital I gained about 10 pounds. Now half of my pants don't fit me. This is a big annoyance. I feel at peace when I am 125 or under. My body is very strange. I only gain weight in my stomach. I have a round belly and it is driving me nuts. I tend to worry about it 24/7. I have been doing pilates and yoga, but the weight isn't leaving fast enough. I want to get a YMCA membership, but I actually can't afford one at the present. The weather is getting nicer so I will be able to walk more. My job is strenuous so that helps. But the medicine I am taking makes me hungry more often. My roommate is helping by buying healthy foods from the store. I know I shouldn't be so obsessed with my image, but being healthy feels spectacular. I want to loose at least 5 pounds a month.

Had To Laugh

You never know what the news will come out with next. This little ARTICLE was a tad bizarre, but it was a fun read.

Proverbs

Whenever I have a deep desire to live under condemnation I always read Proverbs. The little tid-bits of wisdom prove I fall short of the glory of God. But, strangely enough I still love to read the book. Mainly because I agree that Godly wisdom is something to be desired. I have an appetite for instruction. Corey Russell often uses Proverbs to stir this generation to attaining wisdom. I know that God delighted in Solomon's desire to attain wisdom. I know He also stirs the desire in me. I have improved in one of the disciplines mentioned in Proverbs. I am not as lazy as I use to be. I use to love sleep. Now I enjoy using my time in productive ways. Lord, help me live a disciplined life and grow in knowledge.

Change

I am in a struggle because my life doesn't look the same. Transition and change are so difficult for me. The 6am IHOP set is no longer happening. I feel like I am to blame because I wasn't faithful enough. I also feel disposable and that hurts my pride. My relationship with God has been rocky. He has been distant and undecipherable. I love Him, but I don't know Him. There have been multiple times where my hope has been stirred only to be crushed. I hate being tossed to and fro. I know God is working in my life and that the end result will be miraculous. Still, the road there is filled with struggle and disappointment. God please be near.

Rated R

I think there is a moment in the Christian walk where you suddenly realize the Bible is rated R. You suddenly realize how secretive your Sunday school teacher was in grade school. I have been a Christian for along time now, but not till recently did I come to the realization that the Bible is full of dirt. I have been praying about this. It has always been a pursuit of mine to be pure in heart. How do I balance that with the graphic storytelling of the Bible? God is the author of the Word, so He didn't make any mistakes. He put the rated R material in the Bible for a reason. But, it seems to conflict with His nature. Parents wouldn't let thier children watch an R rated movie. Why would God want His children reading smut. Even sermons on Sunday don't address the more graphic stories. Pastors tell us pornography is wrong for a Christian, but they don't address the fact that the Bible is full of explict material! I know this is a strange subject to blog about, but this is bothering me. We all strive to be holy and blameless while the book we are feeding on is covered in sin, lust, and violence. God you are mysterious.

Present

I couldn't focus my camera, so it is hard to tell what this picture is. It is a bus ticket from Israel and a shekel. My good friend Brian gave it to me. As you might have guest I was smiling from ear to ear.

Astounded

Sushi

My friend Katie had a small party tonight. We made Sushi. I can't eat the stuff. The seaweed makes me sick. But, we watched One Night with the King so that made up for it. We also had authentic Indian Chi and fruit smoothies. They gave me the left over avocado as well. Yummy!

Nature

I have a new respect for winter. I have always loved nature, but I wasn't comfortable when winter was approaching. It has now become a delight of mine. I love how nature sings of her creator. I am so blessed.