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Sunday, July 17, 2016

Maybe You Need This

I feel the prompting of the Spirit. I feel like there is someone who needs to hear something, anything, from the Lord. Your spiritual hunger is reaching a peek and your hope is deferred. You were passionate and full of faith, but life circumstances have trapped you in doubt and disappointment. I want to encourage you. Your hunger is your heavenly gift. You only need to guard your heart against striving. God's promise is not delayed. The ugliness you have encountered is only proof that God wants to intervene and make all things beautiful. Shed off the garment of heaviness and put on a garment of praise. God is faithful and He is for you. You will see restoration.

Thursday, July 07, 2016

Recoverying What Is Lost

My weight is forcing me into a depression. I use prayer time, asking God to rescue me. I know the majority of women wrestle with body image. I am certainly one of those women. Today I weight more than I have ever weighed. It’s frustrating to know that my current medication increases weight. I try to use that as an excuse, but there is no excuse. 
I am a fierce person. I cherish the warrior spirit. When I was younger, my entire life was a competition. I beat the boys at the track. I recently had a childhood friend admit that he was intimidated by me. That warrior spirit is still inside me. It resurfaces when I exercise. I remember adrenaline is addicting.
More than anything my struggle is about identity. I’m not overly obsessed with looking attractive. I am obsessed with physically reflecting my inner fierceness. I am a passionate person with strong roots. My physical fitness is a reflection of my commitment to the Lord. I can’t be a lethargic, pleasure-seeking, instant gratification follower. I need to be disciplined and fit.
God is my personal training, constantly reminding me that it is possible to lose 50 pounds (my goal). I found it disheartening when I returned to an exercise regimen and was winded 10 minutes into the 45 minute exercise. It isn’t always the difficulty of the exercise that stops you; it’s the embarrassment of looking like an active marshmallow.
Despite my battle, God has given me a vision of my future self: healthy and fit. I did it once before. I weighed 160 and got down to 125.
Currently, my exercise is motivated by Amanda Cook’s song “You Make Me Brave.” It’s amazing how I can run harder and longer if that song plays in the background. It reminds me that I am a warrior who must be prepared for war.
When Joshua was told to be brave and courageous, not to fear, there was a real battle ahead of him. As I watch the news, I realize we have a similar battle to fight. The insjustice is more active than in former years. People are turning to murder and terrorism. As an American, I don't want to fit a negative stereotype: lazy and unaware.
God promises to look past my current weakness to form me into the warrioir bride He desires and needs.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Grief Beats Heartbreak

I believed heartbreak was the hardest life experience, until my sister passed after a battle with cancer. Now all that time spent crying over that cute boy appears foolish and wasted. The grief I feel for my sister is rarely expressed in tears. The pain is too real to cheapen with the cliché crying fit. My sister is worth more than tears, worth more than words, worth more than grief.
It happened too fast. It happened too fierce. I happened too soon. She was the light of our family, outgoing and accepting. Now my family appears grey. I guess I am writing this to tell all those brokenhearted girls that they should save their tears. The need not waste them on a boy who clearly doesn’t return their affection. They should keep their tears precious, saving them for those who truly deserve them.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

A Friendly Warning

I had a dream last night and then woke up to witness the tragedy in Orlando. The dream was connected to the event. The dream warned that it is wrong to judge others. However, it also warned about participating in other people's sin through tolerance and inaction. I'm not going to say anything more about the dream or my personal reactions to this tragedy. However, I will warn anyone reading this blog post: this event gives us the opportunity to judge our own thoughts and motives. If you hate your brother, you are already a murderer.

Friday, June 03, 2016

Crazy Dream

What do you do when you have a crazy, spiritual dream? Do you tell others? Do you pray about it? Do you believe that it is a sign? Do you dismiss it? I ask because I am not sure how to respond to my last dream. 
In my dream, I had eagles wings and kept flying higher and higher. While flying this verse came into my thoughts: "But the two wings of the great eagle were given to the woman, so that she could fly into the wilderness to her place, where she was nourished for a time and times and half a time, from the presence of the serpent." In the dream, I knew that Satan was following me. I responded to the serpent like a mighty warrior. I was willing to overpower the gates of hell and overcome the world of darkness.
This isn't my first crazy, spiritual dream. Most of them I don't share because they are beyond my imagination. I assume if I share my dreams, it will only overwhelm my hearers. They speak of God's glory, His favor in my life, and the overcoming power I possess. I am reminded of all the great people of God who dreamed.