Jordan Peterson

I had the honor and privilege of seeing Jordan Peterson for his We Who Wrestle With God Tour. I had heard him speak online about finding an adventure, so that your life will have meaning. I bravely drove to Indy by myself for the event, which required a certain level of bravery. (Not a fan of unfamiliar surroundings.)

Expecting to hear about his upcoming book, I was slightly disappointed. He spoke about things that I had heard in previous lectures online. Despite my disappointment, I wasn’t dissatisfied. I wanted to see him in person. To occupy the same space. Not through a screen.

When I consider his worldview, I fantasize about him being my therapist. I just trust him more than the clinicians I have met in my life. I feel like I could ask him hard questions and he would be able and cautious to give the right answer.

I’m looking forward to his upcoming book. In the waiting, I’m leaning on Christ. Like Solomon, I’m asking for wisdom. Like many in the scripture, I’m asking for healing. I know I must not idolize Jordan. He is one man with a vast influence who probably doesn’t even know I exist. I must trust myself to a higher good. A Good who protects me and sees me as a beloved daughter.

It Wasn't My Fault

This hospital stay wasn't my fault. My psychiatrist even apologized with tears in his eyes. I find it rather humorous that he was so deeply grieved by this small hiccup. I know the process. Recovery comes. I don't want him to lose hope. I am still willing to work with him to find the underlying issues that keep me in the cycles of mental illness.

I am recovering in many aspects. Mostly, I am learning about maturity and living in a way that doesn't burden others. I'm trying to be careful with my finances. In a manic state, you don't see money as a hurdle. I acknowledge the clients I serve in my cleaning business are struggling without my help. I don't understand why I am stuck in my hometown, when I know my friends need me. I continue to pray that I prove to my friends and family I can hold down a job. It is hard for someone like me to take a break. I understand the necessity of a vacation, but I want to serve my community. This time off feels incorrect. It feels foreign.

I know, dear community. I know you miss me. I miss you all too. I know you need my help. I need your presence too. I will continue to work at integrating back into society. Although, this setback was not my fault, I feel like it still affected more than just me. I am remaining optimistic with a hint of rational skepticism. LOL.

Anne of Green Gables

    I got to be Rachel Lynde in the play, Anne of Green Gables. When I first heard my local theatre was doing Anne of Green Gables, I thought maybe I should just help with stage management. I love stage management, and my last acting job was a little difficult. I loved the role, but I made a couple mistakes during performances. I spaced my lines and flubbed a few. I overcorrected by thinking I should never act again. Thankfully, I listened to my director who encouraged me to audition again. I love the message of Anne of Green Gables, and I loved this journey.

    One of the main lessons I learned centered around gossip. I have always been sensitive to gossip. I have engaged in gossip myself, but I never feel right when I do. Therefore, I just don't like to engage in talking about someone who isn't there.

    The character, Rachel Lynde, is certainly a gossip and a nosy neighbor. I appreciate that those who came said I am nothing like Rachel Lynde. They appreciated my acting because Rachel garnered plenty of laughter. It was fun to hear the laughter, but I was also thankful that they laughed because they realized the farcical nature of gossip.

    Additionally, I also learned to face some fears. When I was behind the stage, I dealt with some real stage fright. I certainly thought it would be a disaster. I would flub a line. However, once I got on stage, the fear dissipated. The fear felt real at the time, but I overcame that fear. I loved the character, and I did everything I could to bring her to life.

    Finally, God truly confirmed my calling to community theatre. I love working with the students and teaching them to love theatre as well. I made some lovely new friends too. Each cast is a new family. My next adventure is co-directing 40 teens. We don't have a large theatre, so we will be packed in there like sardines. LOL! Through theatre, God has taught me to face challenges.

It Can Be a Concert

    

I'll get straight to the point. Worship can be a concert. Worship can be entertaining. Worship can include expensive lights, fancy sound systems, talented singers, and exuberant and raucous crowds. This might offend some Christians who prefer their reverent and tame services. Certain Christians often cling to a canon of reverent songs and exclude songs that feel too modern or rambunctious. However, I am more and more convinced that God requires worship that is emotional, high-spirited, personal, and empowering. It takes on many forms, and I don't devalue free expression.

    When Jesus met the woman at the well, He emphasized that one must worship in Spirit and in truth. This means anyone who wishes to worship must first acknowledge that Jesus is Lord and be honest in their worship. Therefore, it seems to be less about lofty standards, and more about motivation and faith. I have encountered Christians who have an aversion to worship that comes in the form of a concert. They get uncomfortable when Christian music is similar to secular forms. (I am not referring to secular lyrics, I am referring to secular composition, which include things like thunderous beats and catchy melodies.)

    I saw a video of Christians worshipping along with a Christian rapper. The crowd was extremely energetic and shouting truths about God's character. There were some naysayers who accused the teens of becoming "like the world in their worship". That accusation irked me because "the world" doesn't claim Christ as Messiah. These teens were shouting to the roof tops that Jesus is Christ! Our God owns rap just as much as He owns our beloved hymns.

    The song by Brandon Lake entitled "Count 'Em" is a perfect example of this concept. It might be easy to assume that Brandon Lake has copied a musical genre to sell records to a larger crowd. The song is catchy and the composition is more modern. Someone might assume that this song doesn't glorify God because it sounds too secular. I disagree with such an assumption. God is redeeming all musical forms. When I hear this song, I feel God's power. The song is also well written and the backup choir is crazy talented. God is a singing God, and I have no qualms with rocking out to this powerful expression of worship. Worship can be a concert!

Why Israel? Why the Jews?

I grew up with Bible stories, so my faith and religion gave me some context for Jewish history and culture. However, I don't think my church upbringing can be blamed for my personal obsession with Jewish culture and heritage. If anything, the catechism at my church emphasized that there is no distinction between Jews and Gentiles since we are all one in Christ. Which, I must state, is an accurate interpretation of both the teaching of Christ and the Epistles. However, I can't deny that I elevate the Jewish people.
Intellectually, I understand they are just people like everyone else. However, my spirit and emotions do not submit to this intellectual knowledge. When someone reveals that they have Jewish heritage, my heart races. I instantly get giddy while at the same time experience a deep reverence. If I am in the presence of a person who is a descendent of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, I am NOT going to remain calm and pretend I'm not overwhelmed.
I don't really remember where or when this fascination materialized. I feel like it was a slow progression of interest that quickly grew into a full blown infatuation. I remember learning about the Holocaust, which led me down a path of watching documentaries. The Jews' resilience during that horrible period of time shocked me. Learning about the Holocaust led me to research more about the Jews and their religious practices. Later, I started watching foreign films from the Middle East. There is much to investigate: their ceremonial dress, dietary laws, holidays, their own calendar, and well...the rabbit hole never ends. I wish I could describe the inner glory I feel when I am in the presence of someone from Jewish decent. Yes, I understand how weird that sounds. I must emphasize that it is an honest and involuntary reaction. 
I must mention that I also met some Palestinian believers when I was studying at Taylor University. I actually felt a similar feeling. Knowing that they actually lived in the Holy Land was enough for me to be mesmerized by them. That entire region and history pulls at my heart strings. There is much to say about the current crisis in the Holy Land, but this blog post won't enter into that conversation. 
I recently found a YouTube channel with a man who talked about the history of the land and went on tours around the city. Due to my mental health, traveling to Israel isn't something I can do. I felt like God whispered to me, "You can't go there physically now, but I will reveal her beauty to you." As this YouTuber traveled the streets of Israel, it felt like Jesus was taking my hand and leading me through His hometown. I can't even express how glorious it felt. He knew I couldn't travel there, but He made a way for me to experience it. He's romantic!
Loving the Jewish culture and the Jewish people is now engrained inside me. I don't really understand it myself. It is a spiritual matter that I haven't been able to discern in its fullness. Why do I love the Jews so much?? Probably more than I should. Well, I know the source is Jesus. He is a Jewish man after all.  I do love Him, so perhaps my obsession with His people is both rational and acceptable.