This hospital stay wasn't my fault. My psychiatrist even apologized with tears in his eyes. I find it rather humorous that he was so deeply grieved by this small hiccup. I know the process. Recovery comes. I don't want him to lose hope. I am still willing to work with him to find the underlying issues that keep me in the cycles of mental illness.
I am recovering in many aspects. Mostly, I am learning about maturity and living in a way that doesn't burden others. I'm trying to be careful with my finances. In a manic state, you don't see money as a hurdle. I acknowledge the clients I serve in my cleaning business are struggling without my help. I don't understand why I am stuck in my hometown, when I know my friends need me. I continue to pray that I prove to my friends and family I can hold down a job. It is hard for someone like me to take a break. I understand the necessity of a vacation, but I want to serve my community. This time off feels incorrect. It feels foreign.
I know, dear community. I know you miss me. I miss you all too. I know you need my help. I need your presence too. I will continue to work at integrating back into society. Although, this setback was not my fault, I feel like it still affected more than just me. I am remaining optimistic with a hint of rational skepticism. LOL.
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