Basketball

When I started playing basketball in middle school, I became suddenly obsessed and competitive. I really don’t know where the desire and determination originated. It became  a life long companion when I felt lost.

Unfortunately, I cared more about my performance than I did about my teammates. My developing brain didn’t comprehend that I was hurting the team dynamics because I was stuck in my own head. I don’t remember having couches who encouraged team work. Instead they focused on drills and exercises, which granted skills and improved athleticism with little comradery. 

Additionally, I had an awkward stage in middle school. My elementary friends simply abandon me as I crossed into my early teen years. As a lost child, I could have used coaches who recognized my insecurities masked behind my athletic showmanship.

Basketball has continued to be my therapy. I can be on a court, away from it all, and feel like my true self. Even if I stepped away from the court and lost my aim, I loved returning to find it again.

I am overjoyed that female basketball is gaining more notoriety due to Caitlin Clark’s discipline and character. I never really liked watching men’s basketball on TV. The game is different depending on what gender takes the court. I find myself entranced in woman’s basketball. I actually want to watch the games leading to the playoffs, know the stats of the players, and watch how the game changes over the next few years.

The Chosen

It took me a few episodes, but once I committed to watching the first season, I found myself hooked on The Chosen. I love how the writers bring the scriptures to life, giving historical context and creating flawed but redeemable characters.

Lately, I find myself fighting against the sin of covetousness. I too want to be an actress in shows that share the Gospel. Additionally, the main actors and actresses in the series are what I would describe as “Hollywood” attractive. The men are rugged and strong. The women are tall and skinny. I’ve been struggling with weight gain and have always felt that my height is far shorter than I would prefer. (I acknowledge that following Christ would cause your body to be both skinny or muscular.)

The remedy to my insecurities might be to meditate on the truth, which teaches us that Christ was attracted to the lowly. Those who felt humbled, weak, and meek.

Despite my spiritual battle with covetousness, I am still a loyal fan of The Chosen series. I loved how Season 4 ended. No spoilers! Ahhhh, I want to shout it from the rooftops, but I’ll let the audience experience it first hand for themselves.

Jordan Peterson

I had the honor and privilege of seeing Jordan Peterson for his We Who Wrestle With God Tour. I had heard him speak online about finding an adventure, so that your life will have meaning. I bravely drove to Indy by myself for the event, which required a certain level of bravery. (Not a fan of unfamiliar surroundings.)

Expecting to hear about his upcoming book, I was slightly disappointed. He spoke about things that I had heard in previous lectures online. Despite my disappointment, I wasn’t dissatisfied. I wanted to see him in person. To occupy the same space. Not through a screen.

When I consider his worldview, I fantasize about him being my therapist. I just trust him more than the clinicians I have met in my life. I feel like I could ask him hard questions and he would be able and cautious to give the right answer.

I’m looking forward to his upcoming book. In the waiting, I’m leaning on Christ. Like Solomon, I’m asking for wisdom. Like many in the scripture, I’m asking for healing. I know I must not idolize Jordan. He is one man with a vast influence who probably doesn’t even know I exist. I must trust myself to a higher good. A Good who protects me and sees me as a beloved daughter.

It Wasn't My Fault

This hospital stay wasn't my fault. My psychiatrist even apologized with tears in his eyes. I find it rather humorous that he was so deeply grieved by this small hiccup. I know the process. Recovery comes. I don't want him to lose hope. I am still willing to work with him to find the underlying issues that keep me in the cycles of mental illness.

I am recovering in many aspects. Mostly, I am learning about maturity and living in a way that doesn't burden others. I'm trying to be careful with my finances. In a manic state, you don't see money as a hurdle. I acknowledge the clients I serve in my cleaning business are struggling without my help. I don't understand why I am stuck in my hometown, when I know my friends need me. I continue to pray that I prove to my friends and family I can hold down a job. It is hard for someone like me to take a break. I understand the necessity of a vacation, but I want to serve my community. This time off feels incorrect. It feels foreign.

I know, dear community. I know you miss me. I miss you all too. I know you need my help. I need your presence too. I will continue to work at integrating back into society. Although, this setback was not my fault, I feel like it still affected more than just me. I am remaining optimistic with a hint of rational skepticism. LOL.

Anne of Green Gables

    I got to be Rachel Lynde in the play, Anne of Green Gables. When I first heard my local theatre was doing Anne of Green Gables, I thought maybe I should just help with stage management. I love stage management, and my last acting job was a little difficult. I loved the role, but I made a couple mistakes during performances. I spaced my lines and flubbed a few. I overcorrected by thinking I should never act again. Thankfully, I listened to my director who encouraged me to audition again. I love the message of Anne of Green Gables, and I loved this journey.

    One of the main lessons I learned centered around gossip. I have always been sensitive to gossip. I have engaged in gossip myself, but I never feel right when I do. Therefore, I just don't like to engage in talking about someone who isn't there.

    The character, Rachel Lynde, is certainly a gossip and a nosy neighbor. I appreciate that those who came said I am nothing like Rachel Lynde. They appreciated my acting because Rachel garnered plenty of laughter. It was fun to hear the laughter, but I was also thankful that they laughed because they realized the farcical nature of gossip.

    Additionally, I also learned to face some fears. When I was behind the stage, I dealt with some real stage fright. I certainly thought it would be a disaster. I would flub a line. However, once I got on stage, the fear dissipated. The fear felt real at the time, but I overcame that fear. I loved the character, and I did everything I could to bring her to life.

    Finally, God truly confirmed my calling to community theatre. I love working with the students and teaching them to love theatre as well. I made some lovely new friends too. Each cast is a new family. My next adventure is co-directing 40 teens. We don't have a large theatre, so we will be packed in there like sardines. LOL! Through theatre, God has taught me to face challenges.