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Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Sanity Returns

I am happy to report that I am sane. I am thinking my own thoughts and am no longer manic. Sanity feels really good. Not having control of your reality is a scary experience, so returning to sanity is something to be celebrated.

This journey to wholeness is not completely finished. I still deal with the trauma. I struggle with depression. Certain days, I have no motivation to pursue the things I love. I have numerous outlets for creativity and authentic community, but fear often prevents my engagement. Since I suffered yet another breakdown, I feel exhausted. I have to delay my graduation date yet another semester. Don't get me wrong. I am excited to spend more time with my Taylor community. Nevertheless, it is socially awkward to delay the graduation date yet again.

I am proud of myself. I was afraid to audition for a short film, but I knew God wanted me to accept the challenge. I auditioned and was cast. The following weekend, I joined Huntington University's media group to act in a short film based on the story of Cain and Abel. I was in full possession of my mental faculties, so it was exceptionally worthwhile. I met people who share similar passions. I felt like I had known these people all my life. I could hang out with them, joke with them, dream with them, and create with them.

If you want to pray for me, pray that I persevere. There have been late nights when homework is not even close to being done, and I have little motivation to complete it. I am behind in two of my three classes. I was still sick in September, so classes were hard to navigate. Pray that my teachers give me grace, and pray that my motivation returns so I can finish strong.

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