When my best friend, Rachel, had her first baby, I was afraid. I told my prayer group that babies make me afraid. They laughed at me, and told me to just hold the baby. Honestly, it didn't help.
Babies continue to scare me. And my friends continue to have them. It is the same way with marriage. Marriage terrifies me. And my friends continue to find relationship, have the fancy party, and then eventually settle down to live the American dream.
Despite my warnings and my desires, everyone is living the lives I feared. None of them chose to remain single and serve God with their whole heart. They are gave their love to a relationship. Now I feel ill-equipped to serve God.
I don't have the funds and supports to end abortion, stop the violence in Syria, visit Israel. I want to turn back the clock, but I can't.
I feel like my dreams have been stolen, and the desires of my heart are ignored. I want to pretend that their actions didn't affect my dreams. But, that isn't true. What they chose hurt me, deeply.
I know I can heal from the pain. However, it can't look like the past. I can't just nurture the future generation because that has proven to fail. I need to find another solution. It only produces another generation of American dreamers. Do I want a revolution? No. Do I want a revival? No. I want Jesus.
Babies continue to scare me. And my friends continue to have them. It is the same way with marriage. Marriage terrifies me. And my friends continue to find relationship, have the fancy party, and then eventually settle down to live the American dream.
Despite my warnings and my desires, everyone is living the lives I feared. None of them chose to remain single and serve God with their whole heart. They are gave their love to a relationship. Now I feel ill-equipped to serve God.
I don't have the funds and supports to end abortion, stop the violence in Syria, visit Israel. I want to turn back the clock, but I can't.
I feel like my dreams have been stolen, and the desires of my heart are ignored. I want to pretend that their actions didn't affect my dreams. But, that isn't true. What they chose hurt me, deeply.
I know I can heal from the pain. However, it can't look like the past. I can't just nurture the future generation because that has proven to fail. I need to find another solution. It only produces another generation of American dreamers. Do I want a revolution? No. Do I want a revival? No. I want Jesus.
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