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Wednesday, February 08, 2012

The Worship Restraint

I am still making the transition into a new community. I attended a small prayer gathering. I went in with some trepidation. After all, I have attended multiple prayer gatherings, filled with fervency and intimate worship. I knew I would be surrounded by strangers, but my soul would be familiar with my God. I have no restraint on prayer when I engage the Spirit. When I am before the throne, my words come with rivers of emotion, feelings, and gravity. When I pray, I don't lie to myself. I pray what the Spirit moves upon my heart to pray. It might be raw, it might offend, it might be transparent, it might be personal, it might be intimate, and it might be convicting. I was fearful that I might explode before them. The love of the Spirit is untamed.

There I was pouring out my prayers before strangers. I couldn't restrain myself. Once I started, my love for the Lord spilled over. Out of the heart, the mouth the speaks. After a few prayers, I latched my mouth shut. I needed to reign myself in or I would expel into the air all the beauties of God. Those pearls need to be encased in the heart for now. It is wisdom, after all, to ponder things in our hearts. It is wisdom to save our worship and love for the prayer closet.

I ran back to the prayer closet to expel those mysteries into the atmosphere. God is beautiful. He is worthy of every affection of the human heart and my affections weren't easily quieted. 

The song attached to this blog is ministering to me in profound ways. Audrey Assad verbalizes my spiritual ache with simplicity and innocence of heart. How often I have restrained my worship for fear of rejection or disruption. However, there are moment when the inner-Mary bubbles to the surface. I gush with tears that wet His feet. There are moments when we will be unrestrained before the Lord and we will be disheveled before the crowds and Pharisees.

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