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Tuesday, February 07, 2012

In The Presence Of My Enemies





"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies."

Sharing my testimony is not always easy. However, I know God uses the darkness of my past to bring healing and restoration to others who feel rejected and disillusioned. I want to be painfully transparent in this blog because I feel there is someone who desperately needs to know they aren’t alone in their struggle.

I honored the congregation of my local church and those of my faith community. My body of believers showed unrelenting compassion and wept when they spoke of the Lord Jesus. Their worship was genuine and their prayers were fervent. The community was dedicated to rescuing the orphan, ending abortion, feeding the poor, housing the homeless, and welcoming the stranger. I knew that all organizations were flawed, so when any conflict arose, I accepted it as inevitable. I loved the people and worked through those conflicts with grace.

However, I came to realize that one flaw was not compatible with my broken heart: they didn’t have the power to cast out my demon.

Now this flaw didn’t make the community "less Christian". It only meant I would never feel safe or satisfied within that community. Why? Because I was dealing with an angry, violent, deceptive, nasty, perverse demon. When you are afflicted by such a curse, you aren’t able to sit in a pew and sing deliverance songs without deliverance. I had to find people who had the faith and the daily fast ritual to conquer it.



I was battling levels of darkness that I couldn't conquer alone. I needed a community dedicated to fighting with me. I needed a church who clung to the promise given to Peter: "Upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell will not overpower it." I was tormented by hell, and I needed a community to storm heaven for breakthrough. I needed people who were willing to investigate the evil and bring light to the situation.

I am now searching for a church that contends for the miraculous without restraint. This means they don’t have comfortable Sunday church. They actually function as a house of prayer. I believe there are churches who will partner with me. They don’t just use “faith” as a trendy slogan to hype the young adult crowd. They actually give themselves to rigorous prayer, disciplined faith, and arduous fasting. They aren't overwhelmed if the sermon is interrupted by a demon. They expect it. They know the enemy will rage when God is glorified. When it happens, they are ready with scripture and prayer.

That is my hope. That is my vision. I believe God wants to lavish His love on me. He wants to give me a community that will rescue me from the pit. I will be a testimony of God's deliverance. I will be a walking testimony of community done right! I have a hope and a calling. It is one of glory and freedom!


This past weekend I attended a conference led by the Catalyst Training School from Tacoma, Washington. The speaker gave a word that God was calling the Upland community to prayer with fasting. The local church is just beginning to grasp the reality that God wants His message to be accompanied with power.

I feel renewed because I have the faith and the boldness to believe a community can deliver the oppressed. I know there are many accusations against me. However, my testimony will not defame the Lord’s name. In the end, He will receive the glory. His name carries all the power. I won't just receive deliverance. I will be a voice who proclaims the freedom that comes with the kingdom. 
Matthew 17:15-22

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