Garbage Disposal

The first week I came to Fort Wayne I wanted to serve my roommates, the Whiteley's. I waited till I knew they would be out of the house for awhile. I began cleaning the house rigorously. I even cleaned the floor boards.
I cleaned the kitchen last. My final job was cleaning their Forman Grill. I hadn't owned a Forman Grill myself. The grill was covered in grease and dried food. I looked under the kitchen sink, and found Easy-Off, the stove cleaner. I used Easy-Off on their teflon grill. Soon after I cleaned it I realized my mistake. The coating came off, and I ended up buying them a new grill. Opps!

I am not domesticated. I was reminded of this fact today as well.

I was doing the dishes. Rather I was rinsing the dishes, and putting them in the dishwasher. The Whiteley's have a garbage disposal. I never had one as a kid. When I was young I had to scrap all my food off my plate into the trash. A garbage disposal is a luxary. Apparently, this luxary is not my type of luxary. I turned the garbage disposal on, and the water failed to go down the drain. I realized a lime rind was to blame....or atleast that is what I think happened. Now this is a bummer, but shouldn't cause too much concern. We hope to fix it tomorrow. What makes this episode a tragedy comes next.

I came early to Hillside. The girls were cooking our normal Tuesday meal. I helped prepare, and began to wash the dishes. You can guess what happpened next. I was parnoid about the disposal. I tried to reach my hand into the disposal to see if there was anything that might not break up. The hole was so small I couldn't reach to the bottom. I hoped to myself that nothing would hinder the blades. I turned the disposal on and...crank, crack, bubble, bubble....the water would not go down. Something was down there that didn't mix well with the blades. Two garbage disposals in one day!!! I laughed it off. I was acutally rather upset, worried, and saddened by the event(s). After some time I just decided it was God telling me not to take life seriously. Well....actually maybe He is telling me to never clean dishes again. I might be able to live with that.

One Review "Two" be Published

I recently did a book review for extra credit. I got word that it would be published in the summer edition of Christian Libraries. A few days later I was informed it would also be published in the Aboite Independence. If you click on the red letters it will take you to the review. Read the first paragraph with my information, and then you can click on the link "Features" to read my review. My review is the first one. It is entitled MANNA: The call to Daily Dependence on God.

Aspiring Writers, Do Not Be Fooled

As I began my journey of higher education, I met up with some minor opposition. Some people consider a writing major unnecessary. These skeptics consider a degree helpful if you wish to become a teacher of English. But, they consider it frivolous to obtain a degree if you only desire to be a writer. People assume writing is a talent, and having a degree is not essential. After all, if you have talent already, there is no need to get a degree. If you take your current talent to a publisher, you could make a career without spending money on college.

After attending Taylor University, I now dismiss these assumptions. There is much to be learned through a college degree. A whole world of influence and connections have been realized. Fortunately, Taylor University excels in practical experience, and I am currently living my dream. I had tried to obtain it without college, but I now realize I had no concept about how to accomplish it.

I have been published three times since I began classes in the fall. Plus, I have learned grammatical preciseness. I never considered word choice to be an obstacle. I relied on my computer's spell check and thesaurus. Now I realize the art and exactness involved in writing. I appreciate the ability to spell a word correctly without a spellchecker. As an educated writer I now know I must master the language, and stop relying on technology.

You may find many mistakes in this very post. I am tired at the very moment; therefore, too lazy to proof. I am still in the process of learning my trade. I simply encourage writers to refute the skeptics. Your profession is worthy of the knowledge that is provided by college and your pocketbook.

Eternal Ponderings

Gal 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. NKJV

(Most accurate versions of the Bible use patience or temperance instead of long suffering. ESV and NASV (my favorite translations) use the word patience. There is much to be said about patience, and how it will be needed in eternity. However, I wish to discuss the word long-suffering as I have come to understand it. I apologize for those who are disturbed by the “incorrect” interpretation of the word.)

After studying Galatians 5:22-23, I acquired a preoccupation that has yet to be abandoned. All of these spiritual fruits must be eternal. Why would you acquire them or even pursue them if they wouldn't last for eternity. We all embrace the belief that love will remain. We wouldn't want peace to vanish when we enter His kingdom. Everyone will have joy when they see the face of God. But, we never assume that long-suffering will continue into eternity. After all, isn't heaven the place where our tears are wiped away- no more pain, no more suffering, and no more worries?

When I mention the possibility that long-suffering may endure through eternity, most people negate my confession. I am willing to assume they might be right; however, I will not assume they are right. If long-suffering is a fruit of the Spirit, I am willing to bet it is priceless and something to be cherished. Jesus died on the cross to expose our obsession with comfort and self-centeredness. Our human minds want to imagine heaven as a carefree environment where our comfort will never again be disrupted.

As I have meditated on this further, I have uncovered some nuggets I will share.

I do not think we will ever loose our reverence for God. I do not think for a moment we will stop grieving for the price He paid on the cross. Yes, we will rejoice in the resurrection from the dead. We will adore Him for purchasing us for Himself. But, through out eternity I want to be keenly aware that I never deserved it. In some fashion my resurrected body and my purchased soul will suffer from acute repentance. This long suffering is a powerful force that will continue to remind me of my unworthiness and His worth.

The elders bow down in the presence of God, and cry Holy, Holy, Holy. I think at that moment they are full of love, joy, hope, peace, and yes suffering. The true revelation of God will always hurt us. How many times did Daniel and John fall down as though dead? Countless times. Daniel was even sick and disturbed by his revelation. Isaiah is another worthy example. When He saw God He realized he was unclean, and I think that realization hurt a bit. Long-suffering has the potential to last for eternity and even bless us.

Finally, I want to suggest that Jesus is still experiencing long suffering for us. I know that there was one sacrifice and there will never be another. Jesus died on the cross once, and He will never have to experience that pain again. However, Jesus is still our high priest, and He is still our intercessor. He may not experience physical pain, but His intercession is real and true. When He comes before the Father I suggest he truly feels a burden, and may be somewhat broken. He experiences the grief any human would over broken humanity. Also, when Father God sees the scars of His Son it is His hurt that births compassion.

I could continue in this discussion. God has given me many thoughts on why long-sufferings are not our enemies. It is a spiritual fruit that is vital for the kingdom. In many ways our sufferings intensify our ability to experience the other fruits. If we are not hurt by someone, do we really have the ability to love them without condition? I will stop my tirade. I simply want to make people consider something they might not have considered.

True Comedy

I have a love for Psalms 2. This chapter deals with the world's rebellion. The nations are ragging against God and His rule. When God is confronted by all the hatred, rebellion, and man's accusations- He laughs. He laughs!! If you think about the concept it is rather funny. God spoke, and the world came into existence. Therefore, the next time He speaks He could end that existence. Read the last few chapters of Job and you will realize- man is no match for God.

I had a little taste of this laughter today. A man, full of wisdom and insight, made some obvious accusations against God's character and holiness. I could have become angry and offended. I decided to laugh. The world's wisdom is foolish. What is a fool? A jester. Someone who acts ridiculous and causes you to laugh. I wasn't angry or belittling this man. I was laughing because we are all stupid or foolish in some way or another. We try hard to comprehend the incomprehensible. We try to understand the God of all understanding. We are like a baby trying to drive a car. It is hilarious!

Forget Them!

Ps 45:10-11
Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear: forget your people and your father's house, and the king will desire your beauty. Since he is your Lord, bow to him.
ESV

These two verses are special to me. However, I have probably misused them in the past.

I have misused these verses to justify rebelling against my father. This is NOT the intention of these verses. I have used these verses to escape the pressures of being a true friend. I lock myself away, and hope these verses negate me from loving others. I am trying to fight my tendency to avoid others.

However, there is an acceptable hiddeness demanded by these verses. I think every believer owes it to themselves to have a secret place. Every believer needs to know their inner most thoughts are safe with the Father.

I want to share a dream I had a while ago. Actually, I consider it to be my first, real spiritual dream.

I was in a room. This room was like the homes during Jesus's earthly ministry. There were two tables. At the first table sat Pharisees from Jesus's day. At the second table sat Hasidic Jews of today. I was telling them about how I loved Jesus. I told them how beautiful He was, and how I couldn't take my eyes off Him. All of them were looking at me as if I was insane. Some looked concerned, some looked confused, and some even looked angry. Then Jesus came in the door. He was smiling a beautiful, affectionate smile. None of the Jews looked His way. They probably didn't even know He came in the room. They were too busy trying to understand or ridicule what I was saying. Jesus only stayed a few seconds. Before I could tell the Jews to look at Him, He had disappeared.

There are various thoughts I have about this dream. But, I wanted to focus on this point. I can't explain my love for God. There are no words to describe my need and admiration of Him. I fully embrace that people will consider me naive, crazy, fanatical, or misled. I no longer try to prove myself to others. (Rather, I am in the process of trying to stop.)

I will forget the ridicule, (even the well-intentioned kind) and bow down to my Lord. Because at the end of the day, when I rest myself on my pillow, He is the only one who hasn't left me. It is His final judgement, His beautiful smile, that causes me to rest and fall asleep. I will "forget" my need to be accepted or understood by those around me.

Communing with A Stranger

The trinity is a reality I fail to comprehend. People have made an effort to explain it to me. I have read various scriptures dealing with the subject. I know it is the gospel truth, but I don't profess to be a scholar on the matter.

Because I do not fully comprehend the concept, it is hard to dialogue with God. Should I approach Him as Father, Jesus, or Holy Spirit? Does my circumstances dictate how I should address Him?

Normally, when I pray for needs I often address God as Father. When I need to share my heart or repent I address Him as Jesus. If I need direction, power, comfort, or clarity I address Him as Holy Spirit.

Beyond this, I struggle to balance my devotion to each person.

Jesus, is by far, my closest companion. Jesus and I have the best relationship when compared to the other two.

The Father is a close second. There are issues that stifle my relationship with Him. I blame Him for delaying the coming of Christ. I struggle with why He sent His son to die such a brutal death.I have trouble communing with Him, but I trust Him and ask Him for His will.

The Holy Spirit and I are working on our relationship because honestly it is not intimate. I have felt compelled to strengthen my love for Him. Church's have various concepts about what the Holy Spirit does and does not do. I don't wish to drown myself in theology. I simply want to commune with the Spirit. I want to know Him as a person, and not as an ethereal being.

I don't think understanding the theology of the trinity will truly aid me in my endeavor to know God. It might help me in some form; however, communion with God is the better teacher.

Widow's Mite

I have been unfaithful in giving my tithe. I used the financial crisis as justification. I blamed my car troubles on God, and therefore didn’t trust Him with my 10%.

I now blame my current, personal financial crisis on my lack of giving. My disobedience has affected my heath and emotional peace. My family and friends are burdened due to my lack of responsibility. I often fail to steward what God has trusted me with.

I recently repented of my lack of trust and generosity. After repenting I felt peace; I know God has forgiven me. I gave my tithe this week even though I knew I desperately needed that money. I released my fear and worry as I dropped the envelope in the church’s drop box.

After I paid my tithe I went to the prayer room. I spent hours in God’s thick, tangible presence. I was overflowing in peace and security. God and I had many conversations that night. Obviously, money was one of the topics.

Apparently, God wants me to stretch myself. He wants me to go beyond the tithe. He asked three things of me that night. (Three things according to finances.)

1. Faithfully give your church 10% of your wages.
2. Give beyond the tithe, offerings and love gifts.
3. Give God the worry, anxious thoughts, and feelings of inadequacy.

Now that I am recommitted to trusting God with my finances, I desire to give. I feel blessed when I hand cash to the poor and needy. I feel wretched when I hoard every penny. Lord, give me the grace and passion to use my money to advance Your kingdom.

He Sees All, Yet Unswayed

Isa 11:3-5
He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears; but with righteousness he will judge the needy, with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth. He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth; with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked. Righteousness will be his belt and faithfulness the sash around his waist.

Jesus, in His God nature, sees everything and hears everything. Jesus, in His human nature, is limited to a human's physical perception. Using this passage one can assume that Jesus, as a man, was not swayed by His experiences. His judgments were not tainted by what the religious leaders told Him. The scenes he saw did not bias His opinion. Experience, influence, and culture never rattled his concepts or discernment. This is astonishing and admirable because humans often rely on outer pressures and council. Jesus, fully human, surrender to the Father's will. He had the strength to resist social demands.

This is marvelous, and it is made more marvelous when one considers Jesus's divine nature. God sees all the massive, burning stars at once. God hears the meager whisper of a homeless man. God knows the groaning of our hidden soul. Still, His experience of these wonders still never sway His judgments. Creation, in all it's workings, never had the power to influence His judgments or His righteousness.

Please, acknowledge that I believe we have partnership with God. Moses stopped God's wrath. Moses pleaded with God to stay His hand, and God did just that. But, Moses did not move God to righteousness or unrighteousness. He moved Him to action. God's righteousness is not dependent on anything, and it is uncreated.

To apply this concept to my life, I make myself rest in God's ability to act. I choose not to put my full trust in my upbringing, the council of my peers, my perception, or my experience. I am frail and my judgments sway daily. I have learned (or rather am learning) to rest in my inadequacy. I praise Him for what He reveals. It is God's pleasure to grant me the discernment I need for each day.

God's judgments are established in the earth, and they existed before the earth was formed.

Heavenly Downpour

I am extremely grateful that The International House of Prayer in Fort Wayne now has evening hours. I have been able to attend more sets because of the added hours. Tonight, in the prayer room, God abundantly poured His revelation into my soul. I had a powerful experience. An experience that I have been praying for- something intimate. My wounds were healed and I was strengthened. I have numerous thoughts that I will share on this blog in the coming future. If you see multiple post, you can blame them on this night. Obviously, some of this experience is too precious to spill on a public blog. However, God has been releasing me to share some of my revelations. I long to be His mouth-piece. I am aware of my frailty and inability to testify to His true beauty and glory. Still, I will share none the less.

Take A Nap

I had a dream today, and have decided to share it on my blog. This dream ministered to me, and I have the hope that it may bless my readers as well.

The first sight I saw was a huge mansion in a beautiful field. The mansion's architecture was similar to a castle, but it was more modern. The mansion's main color was a dark yellow with accents of orange, brown, and red.

When I saw the mansion I began to wonder about its purpose. During the dream, I asked God if this was the mansion I would have in heaven. God replied with a question. "If this was your mansion, would it satisfy you?" I responded with an adamant yes.

The size of the mansion was larger than any house I had ever lived in. The mansion had more than enough room and beauty to satisfy my heart. I did not consider it inadequate in any fashion. After I had gazed at the mansion for awhile, God asked me a second question. He asked, "What if I gave you a kingdom instead of this yellow mansion? What if the mansion looked like this?" I was transported into space. I was starring into the vastness of space, and God wanted to know if I would except this vast beauty, called space, as my dwelling? I responded to God's question with sheer astonishment. I asked, "God why are you even showing me this? I can't comprehend it! I have no capacity to even consider this question because space is unexplored and mysterious to everyone. Why are you even showing me this?"

I woke up, and pondered the dream. I listened to Derek Loux tonight, and something he said reaffirmed a thought I had about the dream. Derek used an analogy. He compared a baby in the womb to a believer's ability to understand God's holiness. Imagine you are talking to a baby in the womb, and you want to explain Manhattan to the baby. How would you describe anything? You have no ability to tell this infant about the traffic because a baby, insulated in a womb, has never seen a car. This child has not seen anything remotely like a car. Derek went on to mention that Ezekiel, John the Revelator, and others used similes because they had no ability to completely describe what they were seeing. (Examples: Ezekiel 1:4, Ezekiel 1:13, Revelation 1:14, Revelation 1:16) The word "like" is often found where there is a description of something heavenly or holy. As I began to think about my dream and Derek's insights, I was full of wonder.

There are plenty of worship songs which incorporate the theme of God's holiness. Holy is an overused term. I desire to study God's holiness, but I know I will never fully understand it. It is one of the greater mysteries, and this glorious secret will cause me to groan and pant for my Savior through out eternity. Remember that God can do immeasurably more than what we can ask, think, imagine, or comprehend. Don't put Him in a box.

Is This Heaven on Earth?

I happen to love David Krumholtz. I happen to also love basketball. Therefore, when I saw the preview for the next Numb3rs episode, I concluded I was tasting a bit of heaven. There is quick commercial and then the magic begins....and unfortunately one more commercial. :(

Melissa's Shower

My lifetime friend is getting married. Melissa, the one holding the wine glass, is getting hitched in April. She has already made me cry! She gave a speech during her shower, and I got all teary eyed! Most of her bridesmaids are friends from high school. We had a great time reconnecting. She will be a beautiful bride!

The Winter is Past

"See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me."

Song of Solomon 2:11-13

I am studying in my room. This is a normal occurrence when I have homework unfinished. However, this normal activity is much easier today. I have my window cracked, and my winter coat is tucked away in the closet. I can hear birds chirping, children playing, and warm breezes blowing. I welcome March! I survive winter, and drink in spring. I know winter is not yet over, but the weatherman predicts warm days ahead.

I See Palm Trees

Palm Sunday, my favorite day of the year, is only a month away. I am already anticipating this celebration. I have been seeing palm trees everywhere. One day I was sitting in chapel with some of my friends. The speaker separated everyone into specific groups. We all moved to our designated areas, and the girl standing in front of me wore a shirt with tiny palm trees. The next day in chapel I sat alone in the back row. A friend invited me to sit with her in the second row. I moved, and underneath the pew in front of us was a bag covered in palm trees. Another day, I was stopped by a red light. A white van stopped at the red light as well. The side of the van had a design with a palm tree. Now I realize that these are not miraculous encounters. Palm tree designs are not uncommon. But, at this moment, I am hyper sensitive to them. When I see palm trees I automatically think of God's love and jealously for me. As a bonus, I just found out that our church is holding a Passover meal on Palm Sunday. April can't get here soon enough!