First Flight

My boss is amazing! We had an employee picnic this last Sunday. He gave us free airplane rides around the city of Fort Wayne. I have never flown before, so this was a real treat. Here is a short video of my time in the hanger and in the air. Please forgive the video quality. I only have a video recorder on my digital camera. The technology isn't anything to brag about. Also you need to forgive the jumpy picture. Riding in a small airplane isn't always smooth sailing! I had so much fun!!!

Jewish Root Conference 2

I am not going to spend time sharing what I have learned at this seminar. I don't have time to go into all the insights right now. I will in the future. I simply want to share a dream I had last night and share a frustration. First the frustration.

I am leaving this seminar with more questions than revelation. This is NOT because Craig Turley wasn't clear and understandable. This is because I am so passionate about this subject I want to know all there is to know. Orthodox Jewse spend their whole lives studying the laws of God and there is still more to learn. I want to commit to a greater understanding of my religious roots. I am full of questions!

Now to the dream I had.

I saw a Hassidic Jewish couple. In the dream I was looking at this couple as a third person. But, in the dream I connected with the bride. It felt like I was looking at myself. However, she did not look like me. It was apparent this Jewish couple was about to be married. This marriage was an arranged marriage. The bride had a long veil. Not the transparent veils brides wear today. It was a thick, white material. It went down to her waist and it was like someone had put a blanket on her head. You couldn't see any of her hair or face. The veil was simple and only had some decorative lace and pearls. It was apparent in the dream that this woman had worn this veil her entire life. Her whole life she had to wear this veil insuring that the husband would not know what his future wife looked like. Then the dream flashed to years later. The couple was in a large tent. There were two young boys. The husband told the wife that they were going to try to have another child. The woman was submissive, but in the dream I knew she was exausted. She just had a baby and was still recovering from the vigorous birthing process.

Israel is much like this bride. Not many people know about the Jewish heratige. Like this bride the riches in Israel are hidden. Also God has blessed Israel and she is productive just like this wife was bearing many children. If you have an other insights into the dream I would love to hear them.

Jewish Heritage

I just listened to an amazing speaker. His name is Dr. Craig Turley. He spoke on the importance of embracing our Jewish heritage. My heart was stirred. He described his experience with learning about the Hebrew culture like this:

It was like Narnia. When I thought about my Jewish forefathers I saw an old worn out wardrobe. When I opened the door I saw a whole new, beautiful world!

That is the best way I can describe my experience with my love for the Jewish people. I never considered my religious heritage to be of any real importance. When I began to study the scripture and open my heart I started to understand that God truly is ZEALOUS and JEALOUS for Zion. When God revealed His extravagant heart for His people Israel I could not help but embrace a deep love for them. As Craig spoke I found myself encouraged and lovesick. How I desire the body of Christ to reevaluate the way we view our Jewish brothers and sisters. One of the purposes of the church is to STIR the Jews to jealously. We rarely consider the blessing that will follow when they receive their Messiah. What is that blessing? JESUS WILL RETURN!!! What more motivation do you need than that! I want to evangelize right now.
Craig has such a beautiful revelation on the intimate nature of God. I wish I could give you the whole sermon. I won't. I won't even try to describe what he shared. I would not do it justice. Just know my life has been impacted. I will now be looking to see if Taylor has a class on Jewish studies. I want to read books, listen to documentaries, and set my foot on the ground in Israel AND GIVE EVERY JEW A HUGE HUG!

Jewish Roots

The Friday Night Desire More service will have a special guest this weekend. He will be speaking on the Jewish roots of the Christian faith. I am full of expectation and excitement. I really think God is going to stir my heart this weekend. I will be blogging about the weekend so keep your eyes open!

Civil War

Has anyone ever considered that Abortion could be eradicated of if there was a successful civil war? We spend our time discussing the rational or irrational act of abortion. We get in heated debates, but the law is unaffected. I don't think we really believe abortion is murder. We have murdered 50 million babies and this isn't cause enough for a Civil War? I hate to admit it, but Roe V Wade has desensitized us. If we actually believed children were being murdered we would have had a breaking away from the government a long time ago.

Abortion Debate

I have been furious most of the day. I had a difficult time working. I was foaming at the mouth. Below is a conversation I had with a factory worker at my job.


The news was discussing what role abortion would play in the election. The following conversation started.

Factory worker: The economy is going to pot and they are making abortion the key issue?
Tamara: I am all for that.
Factory worker: I would rather have a job.
Tamara: I would rather be penniless than be a murder.
Factory worker: It depends what your definition of murder is. If you were raped?
Tamara: If I were raped I would keep the baby.
Factory worker: What if the man had aids and the baby would likely have it.
Tamara: I will not punish a baby for a crime committed by someone else.
Factory Worker: Exactly don't punish the baby. Abort it.

Let's pick this conversation apart.

1. The news was discussing if abortion would dramatically sway voters. They wanted to know if it was a key issue. First off I think this discussion is pointless. Abortion is not a political issue. Candidates should not use abortion as a way to collect more votes. Abortion is murder. Our government is discussing voting poles when babies are being murdered. I don't think abortion should be used as a strategy to win the election. That is cold and heartless.

2. The man said he would rather have a job then worry about abortion. How American. Be successful and make money at any expense. I bet he never stopped to consider that the financial crisis is probably retribution for the murdering of innocent children. When I said I would rather be penniless I am not being an idealist. It is the complete truth.

3. Then the man said it depends on what your definition of murder is. Huh?? I am not positive but I am pretty sure murder is killing someone. I might need a dictionary to confirm this. But, I don't think it depends on my definition of murder. Murder is killing someone. That is pretty black and white.

4. The rape argument is used so often. The truth is very few abortions have to do with rape. In any case murder is still murder. If the man had aids and the baby might contract it you should still carry the child. Why? We would not kill an adult who found out they had AIDS. Having a disease does not make anyone disposable. This is bordering of eugenics. Hitler used this reasoning to kill millions.

5. His last comment about aborting the baby sums up the pro choice-argument. He said that a harder punishment would allow the baby to live. This is a faulty perception. Life is valuable even when it is difficult. We are living in a culture that embraces the easy way out. That is why suicide is on the rise. This man was a perfect example of America's selfishness and materialism. I would rather have a job than save the unborn!?? Lord have mercy.

Suddenly I am a Catholic

Last night I was wrestling with a theological question. I was meditating on the scripture where Jesus says "Unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood you can not be my disciples." I knew that Catholics takes this verse seriously. That is why the Eucharist is believed to be the flesh of Jesus. In those moments of study I began to realize why Catholics hold this view. Jesus never rephrases His statement. He realizes that it offended some of His followers, but this did not cause Him to waiver. I spent some time thinking about this topic last night. Ironically, today a good Catholic friend of mine called me with a question. She wanted to understand the Protestant belief that the elements are a symbol. She should not have called me. I explained the argument how I have understood it, but then admitted that I myself am struggling with the belief.

Toilet Essay

I am an expert on toilets. I clean them for a living. I think a toilet says a lot about a country. You go to a third world country and a toilet is a hole in the ground or a body of water like a lake. Now you come to America, a rich and modern country, and what do you find? Automatic toilets. I find this utterly ridiculous. America has become so lazy that we have sensors on our toilets to flush them. How much effort does it takes to push a button or pull a lever. We even have automatic sinks and towel dispensers. This is foolishness!

Engaged

Today a close female friend told me that she is engaged. I saw her ring and shared in her enthusiasm as she explained how the man proposed. I am happy for her. As I observed her excitement I began to realize something. This past week I have been extremely joyful. This is not my normal temperament. This joy is overflowing, unspeakable, and full of glory. My mind has been flooded with images of the return of Jesus to the earth. I am letting my imagination run wild. What a marvelous day this will be. Because I have been dwelling on His return I find myself full of praise and joy. Ironically enough my engaged female friend's name is Joy. As I watched my friend flit about with her excitement about marriage I knew that action mirrored my current mood. I feel like Jesus has just proposed to me. He took me to a romantic place, professed His undying love, and now it is time for me to prepare for the wedding! I am overflowing with adoration and anticipation. This is a glorious season for me. I am falling in love all over again!

Intimacy Is Not Always Pleasant

God’s love has wounded me. His love has created an uncontrollable ache of deep need. When faced with His love I experience a hunger that damages any contentment I have. This hunger isn’t pleasant! It is brutal and mean. His love causes suffering. I need Him so desperately that it hurts. I try to rationalize this pain away. I remind myself that God is with me. His Holy Spirit resides in me. One day I will meet Him face to face and all my tears will vanish. These are the Sunday school phrases we are told to tell ourselves when we are lonely. These words do not help me in the midst of my deep need.

I hear the tempting words in a sermon or in a song. God is a beautiful man, His eyes are fire, His love is endless, and His compassion is never failing. I hear the words. But, how long can I hear the words and not expereince the manifestation. I want the tangible reality. I need eternity sealed on my heart. I know it is wrong of me to ask. It is wrong of me to demand anything from God. But, I do it because I have no ability to restrain my covetousness. God I want what the angels have. I want what those who have passed on have. I want what David sought. A glimpse of Your face is all that I desire. I do not want a description, a story, or a thought. These merely tease me. I want to hear His breath. I want to hear His heart beating. I want to see His eyes gazing. I want the eternal gaze of my Beloved. I want the divine kiss.

Happy Birthday Surprise

I have plenty to say. I will try to limit the day to straight to the point details.

1. Went to work... no surprise
2.Went to School... no surprise
3. On my way home got a flat tire....surprise
4.Called 5 people before someone was able to help...surprise
5.Chris Harouff is my hero. He changed my tire....surprise
6.Ended up spending an hour at Discount tire to fix my car...bad surprise
7.Planned to go to a party at my writing professor's house. Already running late, could not find the house, gave up, and decided to go to the Desire More Service....bad surprise turned to a good surprise.
8. Josh was leading so I got to sing on stage. God's presence was intimate and powerful. Forgot the whole frustrating day. God is surprising.

Then to finish off the day I went to Wal-Mart and had a bizarre experience.

I approached the check out line. The person in front of me had a birthday card and a gift bag. I jokingly asked her if the present was for me. This is how the rest of the conversation went.

Girl in front of me: Uhhh no is it your birthday?
Tamara: Yes, it is my birthday. Actually I got a flat tire for my birthday.
Girl in front of me: Oh dear.
Guy behind me: Ha, it is my birthday too! I lost my job today!

This experience was amazing to me for many reasons. If the girl in front of me hadn't bought birthday items I probably would have never mentioned my birthday. In turn the man behind me would not have mentioned it was his birthday too. In which case I would not have gained perspective. So what if I had a flat tire? I only spent $20.00 for a new one. He lost his job! I know God set that conversation up for two reasons.
1. To make me thankful and stir me to praise.
2. To give me the opportunity to pray for that man.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME and MY TWIN BROTHER...and the man at Wal-Mart who lost his job.

Rewarding Ignorance

I have many friends who are teachers. I hope they comment on this blog.

I had a vocabulary quiz today. I am not a huge fan of the definitions for these vocabulary words. They usually consist of one word and that word is not completely accurate. For example the word blatantly has a definition of nosily and the word abruptly has a definition of quickly. I was already frustrated with the class. I had to relearn words because my definitions were more accurate and detailed. I would never consider using the word close to define the word adjacent. Well, today we had our first vocabulary quiz. Here was one of the questions that used the word agnostic.

An AGNOSTIC does not believe in...
a. (obviously wrong answer)
b (obviously wrong answer)
c. God
d. Bible

Now the definition for agnostic in our study material was : one who feels as if we can't know if God exists. I happen to know that the difference between an agnostic and an atheist happens to be belief. An atheist doesn't believe God exists. An agnostic doesn't actually state they do not believe in God. They may or may not. They just happen to state that you can't know truth or aspects of a supernatural being. I decided to mark the answer as D. The Bible states that we can know God. I became nervous when I turned in my paper. I thought if the definitions are already blurring the questions probably don't require thought. I went to my teacher and discussed this matter. She admitted that my statement was correct. But because the definition says nothing about the Bible the answer was still wrong. It does not bother me that I missed one point on a simple vocab quiz. It frustrates me that the teacher was supporting an answer even when it was not correct. This means anyone who used answer C is still unaware that agnostics are different from atheist. The teacher was too determined to have one right answer that she missed the opportunity to teach. I have a feeling I will run into this issue many more times in this semester.

Don't Look For Revival

Amos 5:18-20
Woe to you who long for the day of the LORD! Why do you long for the day of the LORD? That day will be darkness, not light. It will be as though a man fled from a lion only to meet a bear, as though he entered his house and rested his hand on the wall only to have a snake bite him. Will not the day of the LORD be darkness, not light- pitch-dark, without a ray of brightness?

I have been meditating on an idea and wanted to share my thoughts. Most Christians look for revival, pray for revival, and attend revival meetings. We hunger for any manifestation of the Spirit. Recently the revival in Lakeland, Florida has been the center of attention. There is documented healing and people claim they met with God. When Todd Bentley, the leader of these meetings, confessed he was involved in sin I started to consider a thought. When most people were discouraged and sorrowful I was actually excited. Why? Because God does not tell His people that the last days will be glorious. He prophesies that people will be more evil and more rebellious than ever. Christian rationalize that if God's presence is decending on earth that life will improve. More people will be saved, more people will be healed, and blessings will increase. This, in my estimation, is not accurate. Yes, Christians are obligated to improve the life of those around them. We are the light of the world and the salt of the earth. When we serve God and our fellow man the atmosphere is changed. Still, I would suggest that when people start to slander you this is a better sign that God is returning soon. When people stop listening to instruction and blaspheme God's word start to celebrate. When people grow more wicked remind yourself that Jesus said this would happen. Don't expect life to improve because darkness will increase. I know we want to think that the church's love and power will convert the world from hatred to love. But, this is not what the Bible tells us. God's church will be glorious at the end of the age not because her surroundings improve. Everyone will not join her in her beauty. She followed her Lord while living in a sin stained world. She will be brighter because the world will be darker. She will be glorious because she perservered during percecution and temptation. It gets worse before it gets better.

Rating Deception

I visited my parents today. Normally when I visit my parents we watch a movie together. My father had two movie rentals. I checked the ratings of both movies. I am trying to avoid crude material. One movie was rated R and the other movie was rated PG 13. I decided to go with the PG 13 video. Within twenty minutes of the movie I was astonished. A girl flashed the main character. For about four seconds you saw her entire bare chest. I don't even suggest this movie be rated R. I think it deserves an X rating. This movie was pornographic. The theme of loose sexuality was continuous through out the entire film. I often avoid sexually themed movies. Honestly, I find them vulgar and not at all entertaining. I know that I am naive. Movie ratings have been declining for a long time now. Even G rated material has questionable material. But, I was still caught off guard and deeply grieved in my spirit.

First Birthday

My friends use their blogs to post cute, baby pictures. They even post videos. I don't have a child of my own. I do live with a couple that has a precious baby boy. Here is a short video montage of Adien's first birthday!

Scary Professor Prays

Deciding to return to college is the best decision I have ever made. I love applying myself. I love learning. I love the entire college atmosphere. However, there was one issue that had me trembling. I was intimidated by my Expository Writing professor. He is passionate and intellectual. I love how he teaches. He knows the rules needed to become an accomplished writer. Even though I respect him I am not ashamed to admit he intimidates me. I began to wonder if I would ever be able to impress him. Today I was sitting outside the classroom door. I was waiting for the professor to unlock the door so we could begin class. He appeared. I looked down to avoid his eyes. I was afraid of him. He looked at me and then made a surprising statement. "I prayed for you in chapel today." He then handed me a Christian Writing magazine and said it was a gift. Now I know that this does not mean he will be impressed with my writing. But, this action calmed my nerves tremendously. I love the fact that my professor prays. It moved me that he came before the throne of God and mentioned my name.

Prayer Narration

There is a trend that I have noticed in corporate prayer. An individual begins to pray and suddenly they are sharing a story within the prayer. Here is a sample to explain better what I mean.

Dear Lord, I just thank you for meeting me in the grocery store. I really needed milk. I only had one dollar and some change. When I came to the register I had the exact amount I needed to pay for that gallon of milk. You are truly my Provider.

I have been asking myself a question. Who is benefiting from this narration? People start narrating their prayers for one reason. That reason is to clarify the issue for the other people in the room. You don't need to retell the story to God. He already knows that He provided for you in that specific setting. I have noticed recently that I become irritated when intercessors start narrating stories. I know God does not find it offensive. I am sure He delights in the fact that others hear a testimony. But, if we are really praying to God and not to delight or entertain the people around us, why do we narrate our prayers? Does anyone else find this peculiar?

Psychotic Psychiatry

This is just a quick advertisement. On my Psychotic Psychiatry blog I posted a full documentary. I won't spend time explaining why you should see it. I just wanted my readers to know that these mental health post often deal with issues of faith. This documentary is a must see for Christians in my opinion. I won't force you to watch it. I just think it may open your eyes.

Marry? Not Me!

I know I have spoken on this matter numerous times. I realize some of you have grown weary of hearing it. But, I find myself even more convinced. I don't want to marry, ever. I want to be sold out to God and God alone. I started dating for a time to test this theory. It only proved what I thought all along. I want to stay single. I find complete fulfillment in God as a lover. I know this is a foreign concept to many Christians. Even the people who know that the scripture uses bridal language still don't fully embrace its beauty. I know I am extreme in my understanding. People think I am weird. It doesn't bother me. God has revealed a deep truth to me. His love will fight off all the skeptics. God has been so intimate in the last few months. He has given me dreams, scripture, and melodies that pursue my heart. I want to be His and His alone. I'm infatuated.