Intimacy Is Not Always Pleasant

God’s love has wounded me. His love has created an uncontrollable ache of deep need. When faced with His love I experience a hunger that damages any contentment I have. This hunger isn’t pleasant! It is brutal and mean. His love causes suffering. I need Him so desperately that it hurts. I try to rationalize this pain away. I remind myself that God is with me. His Holy Spirit resides in me. One day I will meet Him face to face and all my tears will vanish. These are the Sunday school phrases we are told to tell ourselves when we are lonely. These words do not help me in the midst of my deep need.

I hear the tempting words in a sermon or in a song. God is a beautiful man, His eyes are fire, His love is endless, and His compassion is never failing. I hear the words. But, how long can I hear the words and not expereince the manifestation. I want the tangible reality. I need eternity sealed on my heart. I know it is wrong of me to ask. It is wrong of me to demand anything from God. But, I do it because I have no ability to restrain my covetousness. God I want what the angels have. I want what those who have passed on have. I want what David sought. A glimpse of Your face is all that I desire. I do not want a description, a story, or a thought. These merely tease me. I want to hear His breath. I want to hear His heart beating. I want to see His eyes gazing. I want the eternal gaze of my Beloved. I want the divine kiss.