Not Just the Who and How

  

    I had another potent God dream. Sharing this dream will be frustrating. No matter how descriptive or eloquent I write this blog, I will fail to convey my experience. I had the dream, so I understand all the intimate details. I can’t give you the experience, even if I might wish to share it. I’ll try my hardest to share the message, but honestly the personal experience of the dream will be far superior to any retelling.

    Some dreams I have treasured in my heart while others I have shared. I considered keeping this dream to myself, but the urge to share the message was relentless. Here I am now, sharing a dream that can’t truly be shared. I know each reader will walk away with some insight. I am thankful for that. I just want to be clear that being inside the dream was truly what made this dream appealing. You may understand why as I describe it.

    In the dream, I walked into my old workplace, a YMCA swimming pool. I worked at the YMCA as a lifeguard for my high school years. Just for some clarification, I haven’t returned to this YMCA for a long time. I have some negative memories from this building. There is shame tied to this building. Not because of the job or the other employees. I don’t like going there because I had a few episodes there, mental breakdowns. I did and said some strange things. I won’t go into any more detail than that, but understanding my shame will help you better understand the dream’s message.

    I entered the pool area, and felt uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be there. Suddenly, I was embracing Jesus. One of my hands was on his shoulder and my other arm was wrapped around the small of His back. I was resting my head on His shoulder. It felt more real than any dream I’ve had previously. I have had all my five senses awake during dreams before, but the sense of touch was exceptionally strong in this dream. This side embrace was more tangible than anything I’ve ever experienced in a dream. I felt the muscles in His shoulders. I felt the fabric of His robe. I remember feeling so thankful in that moment, thankful that I could touch Him.

    There was a man in front of us, dressed in first-century, civilian Jewish clothes. He was asking Jesus questions and wanting to know more about His ministry. Suddenly, the man had a powerful epiphany. He shared with Jesus that He finally understood why God allowed suffering in the world. This man came to the revelation that suffering was necessary for man to desire God. Afterall, if everything was always wonderful, there would be no need for God or a Savior. As this man started celebrating this insight, I could feel Jesus’s heart racing. Jesus was pleased that this man came to such a powerful understanding of the heart of Father God. God doesn’t send suffering because He’s mean or angry; He sends suffering so man will desire the goodness of God. He has placed eternity in our hearts. Pain is temporary, but it teaches us to long for God’s goodness and salvation. When I heard Jesus’s heart beat faster and recognized how thankful He was to hear this man’s revelation, I wrapped my arms around Him and pulled Him tight. I couldn’t help but share in this revelation, and I wanted Jesus to know that I loved Him for His ways and His thoughts (which are higher than ours).

    After awaking, I instantly realized that I needed this dream’s message. I have been in a quiet crisis of faith. I am not doubting my faith in Jesus. The crisis isn’t the “who” or the “how”, it’s more the “why”. Why did the Father send Jesus to the cross? Why is the Old Testament full of such dark and scary stories? Why were the Jews a people of animal sacrifice? All these questions were heavy on my mind. I wasn’t asking these questions to accuse God. I was asking these questions because I wanted to know God. I considered asking some of my Christian scholars about why they thought God chose these hardships to reveal Himself. However, I never felt comfortable asking anyone these questions because honestly I didn’t think anyone, except God, knew the answer. I am thankful for this dream because I needed an answer that only God could provide.

    I’ve had hardships come my way. Everyone will face hardships. It really helps to know that God rejoices when a man or woman comes to the revelation that hardships force us to cry out to God. When I think about the crucifixion, I realize one of the most powerful prayers happened right before that dark event in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus came to His Father with such passion and intimacy. He felt sorrow that made His brow bleed from anguish. But, in the midst of that anguish, He was close to His Father. Submissive to His Father’s will. He saw the creeping darkness and looming pain, but He knew the Father’s will would lead to His resurrection and future glorification.

    I assume this message might feel rather obvious to seasoned Christians. After all, Jesus constantly taught about the hardships we will face in this life. He said things like: “If you want to find your life, you will lose it.” I suppose I’ve always accepted the reality that following Christ will come with hardship. Yet, this dream made me understand better why God uses hardship to bring us closer to Him. In the dream, hearing Jesus’s heart race with joy and thankfulness at this man’s revelation, made me love Him more. In the dream, I had to hug Him tighter. I had to let Him know that I am starting to understand the “why” and not just the “who” and “how”.