I am dealing with anger issues. My body is so exhausted because I've been over medicated. However, my sleep continues to get interrupted because of schedule mandates. So I wake up with a bad attitude. I don't feel like myself. I feel like a zombie. I went to two different mental hospitals this summer. They were both horrifying experiences. The first hospitalization is a blur. I don't know what they did. I don't even know how I got to the hospital. I just remember willingly getting in an ambulance and then everything went dark. I remember thinking I was going to paradise. I was let out rather quickly because the doctor new that insurance would not cover a longer stay.
When I got out of the hospital, I didn't feel completely like myself, but I was active. I felt very dull of mind. I can only assume it is because of the mental trauma or because of the added Depakote.
After a few days, my dad came to pick me up for a visit. I never really spent time with my mom or dad because they were busy with their own stuff. I went to NEC outpatient. They recognized that I was struggling with confusion. Well, obviously! The mental health system is broken and no one seems to believe when patients complain. NEC outpatient referred me inpatient in Auburn. There were several patients who harassed and fought against the staff. I don't know how the staff handles that type of intensity day in and day out. I chose not to burden them, but was often neglected because other patients were more aggressive and demanding. I am convinced I was in the hospital because I had just started my period. Usually, when I go into the hospital, it is my first day. I took the meds that were prescribed to me, but it was more out of respect for the doctor, not because I wanted to take them.
Now I am dealing with anger that I rarely ever have. I don't know how to control it because I have never experienced it before. If you ask, well what can we do? Probably nothing. The system is connected to pharmaceutical companies that know how to maximize profits and they are connected with police who can manipulate and hide the truth. My prayer is that my doctors realize what is happening and at least apologize for their mistakes. That isn't asking too much. I may still lose myself due to mind-altering medications, but at least the doctors admit that they may have made a mistake. If a doctor learns how to be a therapist first and then a doctor, they may be more perceptive to the truth.
Writing helps.
When I got out of the hospital, I didn't feel completely like myself, but I was active. I felt very dull of mind. I can only assume it is because of the mental trauma or because of the added Depakote.
After a few days, my dad came to pick me up for a visit. I never really spent time with my mom or dad because they were busy with their own stuff. I went to NEC outpatient. They recognized that I was struggling with confusion. Well, obviously! The mental health system is broken and no one seems to believe when patients complain. NEC outpatient referred me inpatient in Auburn. There were several patients who harassed and fought against the staff. I don't know how the staff handles that type of intensity day in and day out. I chose not to burden them, but was often neglected because other patients were more aggressive and demanding. I am convinced I was in the hospital because I had just started my period. Usually, when I go into the hospital, it is my first day. I took the meds that were prescribed to me, but it was more out of respect for the doctor, not because I wanted to take them.
Now I am dealing with anger that I rarely ever have. I don't know how to control it because I have never experienced it before. If you ask, well what can we do? Probably nothing. The system is connected to pharmaceutical companies that know how to maximize profits and they are connected with police who can manipulate and hide the truth. My prayer is that my doctors realize what is happening and at least apologize for their mistakes. That isn't asking too much. I may still lose myself due to mind-altering medications, but at least the doctors admit that they may have made a mistake. If a doctor learns how to be a therapist first and then a doctor, they may be more perceptive to the truth.
Writing helps.
No comments:
Post a Comment