Five People Down

My heart is distracted by hunger. My studies are starting to drift into the background. I want to know God is near. It is hard to focus on studies when chasing the divine. I know God brought me to college for a degree, but at the moment, this pursuit feels fleeting. This is one of my harder semesters, so perhaps I am simply lazy.

I had a dream a few days back. I was sitting at a banquet table and about 5 people down stood Jesus in a white robe. I saw Him in my peripheral vision and was pleasantly surprised by His beauty and glory. But, at the same time, I thought to myself: he’s too far away. Five people down!? He needs to be right next to me! That dream is a good description of the past month. I am aware of God’s beauty and glory, but I feel distant. In the dream, I knew that God knew how much I wanted to be near Him. Such delight in His heart.

I am committed to getting this college degree, but I am also committed to keeping Jesus first. I have opportunities to worship with campus communities. The Taylor campus is full of vibrant believers, and I truly feel like the Spirit is breaking out. It is exciting to feel that hope again. I have struggled in a dry season, but the truths of the gospel are renewing my heart. I want to be near God. I want to be a part of what He is doing! Not five people down! Resting on his breast.