I often forget that other people, outside of my friends, come across this blog. I often post blogs that only my home community can appreciate. I am complex, so you need to understand my idiosyncrasies, if you really want to understand my spiritual blog. If you are not well acquainted with me, this blog may seem extremely judgmental, when I am actually a well-spring of mercy and acceptance when face to face. A person's words can be easily misconstrued, if you are not acquainted with the person who wrote them.
Now I am going to talk about one of my weird qualities, which might diminish my readership. I am sure those who aren't within my immediate community will consider me a nutcase after reading this post. Nevertheless, I will proceed.
I often tell people I don't want to live past the age of thirty-three. My friends attempt to respect that desire, but remind me that I have no control over my life or death. I understand their position, but I don't think they fully understand my DESIRE. My thirty-three-wish is not a whimsical hope. It is something I desire. Something I strive toward and hope will happen. A sort of calling, an inner groan. I know many minds consider this morbid or unhealthy. I don't agree with that assessment even though I understand the concern.
On September 12, 2013 I will turn 33. Once that date comes around, I will be on the alert. It is a year that I have anticipated with great excitement. I would never predict my own death, but I do desire I will not see the next September. If I do, it won't be with much celebration.
For me, the age 33 is the perfect year to meet the Lord. It is enough time to come to know Him and enough time to leave this fading world. I always wanted my death to be in the service of another. I don't want to die of natural causes. I want to give my life for another or testifying to the truth of Christ. As I prepare for my much anticipated birthday, I am ever watchful for God's movement in the land and in my life. If God doesn't plan to take my life, I am willing to accept the alternative, He can return to the earth.
1 comment:
LOL! This tickled me. I so totally don't respect your desire in this.
In fact, this reminds me of the Billy Graham biography I read a few years ago - Billy Graham: His Life and Influence by David Aikman. Graham never expected to live as long as he has. He wanted to die early. But alas, the man is STILL alive - obviously didn't get his wish. However, he has written a wonderful book on growing older - Nearing Home - which I have borrowed from my mother and plan on reading sometime in the near future. My grandmother has read it, too, and said it was good.
I DO understand your sentiments and reasoning, though.
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