Grasping at My Inner Man

I was thinking about the story of the women with this issue of blood who pressed through the crowd to touch the hem of Jesus's robe. Specifically, the verse in Mark 5:30.

And Jesus, perceiving in Himself that power had gone out from Him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?”

Now the Greek word for power is δύναμις, which translated is:

1) strength power, ability
a) inherent power, power residing in a thing by virtue of its nature, or which a person or thing exerts and puts forth
b) power for performing miracles
c) moral power and excellence of soul
d) the power and influence which belong to riches and wealth
e) power and resources arising from numbers
f) power consisting in or resting upon armies, forces, hosts

I was thinking about this verse because I have started to experience this power escaping when I pray in public. I don't know if anyone else will relate to this, but I feel weak after a prayer meeting. As I pray for someone, it almost hurts. I don't mean I get too hyped in prayer and then I have no energy. I mean the Spirit's power literally escapes from me. Tonight, I was praying for a female, and it ached to pray for her. I felt power escaping/leaving my inner man.

I am learning how to pray by the Spirit, more so than I ever have before. The concept that "the Spirit resides within me" is more palatable to me now. I can testify to this. I feel His stirring more so than ever, Now that I am moving in this revelation, I understand (to some degree) what Jesus felt when the power left Him when the lady touched His robe.

I won't say it is always a glorious feeling. Ministering out of the secret place is difficult. Giving away living waters is painful, but it is mandated by Father God. It is never fun to give away power, and yet that is what Jesus did every time He did a miracle.

Jesus often felt overwhelmed by the crowds that followed Him, even though He was fully God. Why? Simply because He knew His power, His δύναμις, was something to treasure and guard, but faith could access it. The woman with the issue of blood could take His power by grasping at His robe. Her dynamic faith and desperate, broken cry demanded justice and required a miracle. Jesus was obedient to faith. He lost power when a cry was deep enough. He lost power when faith was true enough.

I feel that I am moving into a time of ministry when the needs of others will demand my inner power to be released, sometimes without my permission. I have already felt forced into positions of ministry before I felt comfortable or ready. I want to guard my light and virtue, but I think the Spirit wants to bring it forth to heal and restore. Those around me are getting hungry enough.