I am learning that the Lord remains calm in all situations. I am prone to worry and fret; however, Father God begs me to rest and trust. I am in the process of making some big decisions, so remaining calm has been a little harder as of late.
I know that I haven't heard clearly enough to make these decisions. I have spoken to friends, and have only become more bewildered and confused. My Christian council doesn't feel very secure at this moment. My friends are sending me mixed messages. Some of my friends strongly support my decision to continue college. Other friends think I should not attend Taylor Upland, and focus on my prayer life. The underlining confusion is amplified by past wounds.
When I attended the University of Evansville I began to skip class because I had an urgency to pray. I would find myself in power encounters with the Lord, and going to a boring class seemed foolish. I have grappled with what is a healthy prayer life, and what is an unhealthy, obsessive prayer life.
Some people in Evansville questioned and criticized my desire to spend excessive amounts of time in prayer. They warned me it wasn't healthy. IHOP Fort Wayne restored what I felt I had lost, a freedom to chase God and a freedom to be a Mary. Now I am faced with that decision again. Do I sacrifice alone time with the Lord to study and improve my writing ability? God what are you saying!!!??
Under all the confusion, I trust that God is holding me. Still, the pressure to make the right decisions still loom in my mind. In all this, I realize that God is less concerned about my degree or where I decide to live. He is more concerned about strengthening my trust in Him. He wants to me to lean on Him even when my path is somewhat dark.
3 comments:
we all struggle with this stuff at different times in our lives. In the end the decision and the consequences of that decision are your responsibility before the Lord. So take your time and then choose, and don't look back. The reality is you need to settle the issue in your own heart before the Lord and trust Him to bless your path. I do not believe there are sin issues at stake in this kind of decision . When God is not clear it is because He wants YOU to decide. He already knows and has mandated your decision, but He awaits the excercise of your will. I know weird huh!
You said, "Do I sacrifice alone time with the Lord to study and improve my writing ability?"
I actually now think of study and improving writing ability as a sort of alone time with God. It's kind of like when you are studying the Bible: you ask God to lead you in your study and reveal himself and his truth. You see, God is also in your studying and writing. He is with you everywhere. He is with you on your job. He is with you as you are driving. You can pray and talk with him any time. Of course, it may not be in the focussed way that you are used to, but it's still communing with him and he does still talk to you, but maybe in a different way.
Whatever you do, Tamara, God is with you at all times. And yes, he does want you to trust him, completely.
Sarah,
Thanks for commenting. I appreciate what you said because I completely agree. Therefore, don't take this reply as a discrediting of what you said, but more as a clarifying of what I said.
For some time now I have felt called to a radical lifestyle of prayer and fasting. I believe God has called me to be a full-time/part-time intercessory missionary. A Mary and an Anna! Someone who forsakes temporary pursuits, such as college, marriage, and children, to minister unto the Lord. This is the choice I am referring to. I do not think going to college will limit my relationship with God. I don't think either choice is more holy or righteous. Yet, it is still a choice.
However, many of my friends believe God wants me to return to college. I am starting to believe they are right. Right now I am compromising. I will commute to Upland to take college classes while still participating in IHOP ministries here in Fort Wayne.
Thanks for your insights!
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