There are many things I love about summer. The beautiful weather, swimming, tans, and pop ice. I love this cold, sugary treat on a hot summer day. I eat these multi-colored and multi-flavored popsicles non-stop. I finished a full box in a week. My caring roommate reminds me to eat in moderation. These treats are a true temptation in my life. One popsicle is 25 calories. You think that stops me? No way.
I was officially accepted to Taylor University yesterday. I visited the campus and got the call a few minutes after I left. Returning to college is one step closer. Continue to pray for wisdom and direction as I make some big decisions.
Good News: I have been worrying about money for the last six months. Medicaid denied my first claim. I was in the hospital three times. I was worried that I would have to pay thousands of dollars. This worry has crippled me for many days. I went before a judge and appealed. I just got the news today that the judge ruled in my favor. This is wonderful news! This means my medication, hospital visits, and other medical mishaps will be paid for. This is a major answer to prayer.
Bad News: When I called my dad to inform him of this news he was relieved. But, he also gave me the news that my mother is back in the hospital. When I saw her a few days ago I knew she was bad. I actually saw this coming. Please be in prayer for her recovery.
There is a message that has been burning on my heart. As I meditate more on this message I always feel the desire to write a book. God has given me insight into certain matters and I want to compile these thoughts. Unfortunately, writing a book takes effort, time, and motivation. My days are full of activity, but even though this is true I have been lazy. Lazy when it comes to hotly pursuing God's perfect will. God wants me to be more focused with my writing. He doesn't want me to write haphazardly and not accomplish set goals. So, I have set a very specific goal. Write a page a day for a year. I am not sure how successful I will be at this. But, I want to have a daily motivator. Three hundred and sixty five pages by this time next year. If you have time in your day to pray for my adherence to this aspiration, please pray.
Well I was driving to Thursday night prayer and had a little accident. That explains the massive dent in the back of my car. But, what makes this wreck even more interesting is the person who hit me was a sheriff. He was driving in a truck so I wasn't aware of this until I approached him. He had his uniform on and all I could think was, "Oh no I am in for it!" But, it actually went rather smoothly. The man didn't fault me and he was rather courteous. He asked numerous times if I was alright. I noticed he had a cross hanging from his rear view mirror. He was extremely kind. I have to deal with some worry and stress right now. My car is wearing out rather fast. After this accident I don't know what my next step is regarding my transportation. I think the insurance will cover everything, but at the same time I am just frustrated with my Buick. Pray that my nerves don't get the better of me.
Most Christians have been subjected to a gifts test. This is a survey asking questions pertaining to the Christian's abilities, passions, and spiritual experiences. These test try to evaluate a Christian spiritual gifts so that person can excel in ministry. I think these are for the most part functional. But, I have two criticism about these test that I consider valid.
1. God usually uses our weaknesses as a spiritual gift. It may be incorrect to devise that natural talents equal spiritual gifting. While taking a spiritual gifts survey you are challenged to boast about how you excel in certain areas. The test takes these prideful notions and suggests that these talents may be your gift. I still believe God takes are natural weakness and supernaturally uses them to change the world. No room for boasting. So, with this said the test could possibly be inaccurate.
2. Next I wish to deal with our desires and passions. The test also asks you what you love to do. It takes these passions and decides that these passion should be pursued. Sounds obvious to any reader. But, if you take into account that God desires sacrificial obedience and surrender you might find yourself questioning this line of reasoning. Sometimes the dreams and goals that we desire are nothing more than idols that must be eradicated of. True, some passions are God given and should be diligently perfected and accomplished. But, God also requires heartfelt sacrifice and death to our wishes. So, again this test might be flawed.
If you have never seen one of these test you can click this LINK and you will see what questions are asked.
Since I withdrew from the University of Evansville I have struggled with confusion regarding college. My desire to continue my education has oscillated. There are month I am convinced I will never return and there are days I feel called to return. When I left UE it was under traumatic circumstances. Due to these traumatic events I have feared returning to school. I am afraid I won't be successful, I'll become ill, or I will be denied entrance. But, in the last few month I have gained a deep desire to continue my education. What amazes me is how many people are encouraging me to pursue this avenue. I will admit that I am constantly doubting my ability. I didn't even consider college until others suggested the possibility. A good friend of mine pointed out that I limit myself too much. By doing this I also deny God's ability to restore, use, and heal me. I am starting to be more honest with God about my desire to continue my education. As I bring this issue to God I uncover some bitterness and hidden fear. There is deep pain related to my experience at UE and a continuous doubt that I will ever recover from it. Now that I am applying to Taylor University I actually see doors opening. This is surreal to me because I honestly never thought it was possible. The road blocks I expected haven't reared their ugly head. People have been enthusiastic about praying for this possible move. I didn't really know how good Taylor's writing program was. I now know it is top quality. After talking with a college recruiter I was begging God to open the door. When I am completely honest with God, my peers, and myself I realize I want to return to college. I wanted to share this story with you as well. It was just a small incident that encouraged me to consider school again.
At my grandmother's funeral my first grade teacher came to pay her respects. She came up to me and asked if I remembered her. I told her I did and then we had a small conversation. My dad joined the conversation. Then the teacher began to speak on what a good writer I was. She said she enjoyed reading my stories because they were so creative. It has been a VERY long time since I was in first grade. The fact that she remembered my writing amazed me. I always got good grades and comments about my writing ability throughout school. But, the fact that she remembered that, after these many years, astonished me greatly.
So please be in prayer about this. I want to follow God's lead.
I have decided to open a separate blog relating to my current research on mental health. This blog will cover a wide range of topics. Some topics including personal experience with health professionals. I have been doing research and feel obligated to alarm the public about certain flaws in the mental health field. I will have a link to this new blog to the right called Psychotic Psychiatry. I will no longer post anything relating to mental health on this blog. This allows my readers to disregard the debate if they are uninterested.
I can't begin to describe the restoration that God is doing within my life. Tonight at the Pre-Call rally God spoke some profound words into my life. This whole month He has been teaching me about how God took weak, frail people, and plucked them out of obscurity to change history. Esther was a poor orphan who became queen and saved the whole Jewish nation. Joseph was hated by his brothers, thrown in prison, sold as a slave, and then became second in command for Egypt. Joseph saved many from starvation. Paul was a persecutor of the church, he killed faithful followers of Jesus, and he (at conversion) was given the mandate of writing a majority of the New Testament. His writings have formed governments, saved lives, and shaped history in profound ways. There are countless other influential people and they are not just in the Bible. People who are shaping history today have similar stories. There were reasons why these heroes weren't considered history-making people. They had limitations on them. They had deep hurts and difficult battles. Still God used them in radical ways to change history. God spoke this phrase deep in my spirit.
"I am making it right."
He is referring to all the difficulties I have had with my illness. He is giving me the power to overcome my struggles and my defeats. But, more importantly He is increasing my faith. He is asking me to dream big. God is going to win the war even if a few battles were lost. I actually think this restoration is directly related to my passion for the ending of legal abortions. I also think it is directly related to my desire to see the mentally ill healed. I have a new faith that God is going to use my broken life to touch the world around me. I have been praying for more faith and confidence. Suddenly I realize that God is on the move and He is ready to take back what the enemy has stolen. After the rally I got in my car and I heard this song. It is actually the first time I have heard it. It is a perfect song for my current condition. This will be my life song from now on. I posted the music video. The lyrics are underneath.
It's time for healing time to move on It's time to fix what's been broken too long Time make right what has been wrong It's time to find my way to where I belong There's a wave that's crashing over me And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus) Whatever You're doing inside of me It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace It's hard to surrender to what I can't see but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone Time to begin again Reevaluate who I really am Am I doing everything to follow Your will Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills So show me what it is You want from me I give everything I surrender... To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up Clean this old house Time to breathe in and let everything out That I've wanted to say for so many years Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me It feels like chaos but I believe You're up to something bigger than me Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me It feels like chaos but now I can see This something bigger than me Larger than life something Heavenly Something Heavenly
It's time to face up Clean this old house Time breathe in and let everything out
I was having a silly thought yesterday. I left my cell phone at my parent's house on Monday. I was expecting an important phone call on Wednesday. I had no choice but to go back to my parent's house Tuesday and retrieve it. I ended up visiting for awhile. I spent the gas to head down there so I decided to make the most of it. When I called my Dad Monday to verify that I did actually leave my phone there I made this comment. "Maybe God wanted me to visit with you two longer. Maybe He knew you were lonely." Then on Tuesday I was heading to work and I turned down a road too soon. I got frustrated, but then thought maybe God protected me from an accident that could have happened if I hadn't turned too soon. So I basically surmise that there are two ways of thought.
1. Whenever we do something absent minded or stupid we can always make the best of it by believing that God has a purpose for everything.
2. Or we can just admit that we acted foolishly and God had very little to do with it.
I prefer the first one because it allows God to be Lord of our life. But the second one is probably just as valid and may help to conquer our pride.
I was in a Bible Study today and we were talking about idolatry and witchcraft. In this study we were taught the Greek word for witchcraft. I was totally astounded by the definitions. I know I have been harping a lot about my distaste for current medical practices. I don't mean to be critical, pessimistic, or stubborn. Please forgive any negative behavior. But, I had to share this because it stunned even me. Here is the Greek word used for witchcraft and the definition of that word.
Pharmakeia
the use or the administering of drugs
poisoning
sorcery, magical arts, often found in connection with idolatry and fostered by it
metaph. the deceptions and seductions of idolatry
Yes, my friends this is the word that we can derive from Pharmacy or Pharmaceutical. I was completely floored when I found this out. I also learned that the Roman empire sent people with emotional problems or stress to pagan priest. These priest would administered mind altering drugs, hallucinogens, or uppers to cause a euphoric high. So although the term doesn't exactly correlate to today's medical practices it is still amazing to me that the origin of the word Pharmacy has it's root in deception, poisoning, and witchcraft. Be aware that this is simply funny to me. I am not implying anything really.
Why do people define their faith as liberal or conservative? Aren't these political terms. I know they can describe your religious practices in this society. But, I just don't really understand why we do that. It is another way to divide the Christian body. My friend said her faith was of the more liberal slant. I wanted to ask her why she used a political term to describe her faith. Any thoughts?
I check the National Right to Life website every so often. I like to find out about new scientific findings and new legal arguments. For instance the new arguments that an unborn baby can feel pain. Every day I hope that some scientist or lawyer will finally find the key that will lead to the ending of legal abortions. I have seen many good arguments defeated. This can cause one to fret. But, I will not loose hope! Actually there is an argument that I have never heard discussed and I wonder if it is valid at all. Someone else has probably entered this argument into a discussion. I just haven't heard it yet. But, I was thinking about it today. Actually a bumper sticker that I saw ignited this line of thinking.
The bumper sticker: If it is not a baby, then you are not pregnant.
Catchy phrase. Makes one think. But, does it have legal ramifications as well. Let's for argument sake give the pro-choice debaters their say. Let's assume that this baby is fetal tissue. I cringe to even suggest we allow such a lie to enter our psyche. Yet, still follow my reasoning. Let's say for a moment that this fetal tissue is not yet a human being. Therefore, not needing of protection from our government. This following statement, therefore, does not pertain to them. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Now insert this argument. This fetal tissue has the potential for life. This fetal tissue if properly nurtured will indeed become a baby, then a child, then an adult, and so forth. Doesn't this potential for life give it some legal standing. I know that I am biased because I am pro-life. It is easy for me to see how this argument is rational. This statement may hold no water in our legal system. Never the less it has its merit and might cause the pro-choice argument to falter a little. But, I think at the heart of the matter I would hope another argument leads to the eradication of abortion. I don't think we can assume that a baby is ever fetal tissue. That means we will never repent as a nation. We won't face that we killed babies.
First, I must apologize for the constant blogging. I do not expect you to keep up. I just keep having thoughts that I feel I must post on.
Rachel and I had a conversation about a speaker who made a riveting comment. I don't remember who the speaker was and Rachel is on the phone right now. I don't want to bother her and ask. But, she told me about how that statement impacted her. The statement paraphrased was something like- Every time I go down the streets of Fort Wayne and see the many pornographic businesses I cry and weep in prayer.How often is your heart broken for the things that breaks God's heart.Is it daily? I know I am not doing the comment justice. I really can't recall exactly how he phrased it. But, it will do for my comment. Rachel mentioned that she was upset that those kind of things, although they bothered her, never made her broken daily. It also made me desire to be broken for this lost world daily as well. I don't just want to cry in a heated prayer meeting. I want to be sensitive to God's heart daily. Fort Wayne is covered in pornographic businesses. You go down one street and you can see three industries showing no shame. They boldly advertise exotic dancers and entice any weak soul to drown themselves in worldly pleasures. This often bothers me. But, I had another encounter with the world that had me weeping like the man suggested. I was switching my radio channel to find a song I liked. I came across a beat that sounded new and somewhat rhythmic. I decided to pause to hear some of the lyrics. I won't go into detail for any young readers. Basically, the title of the song was, "I Kissed a Girl." Not anything too shocking in the title. But, what makes it shocking is the singer was a female. I listened to the song not because I approved of the content. I was just curious how far along the secular song business has gotten. I began to weep. All of a sudden I saw pictures of people jamming to this song completely unaware of how offensive it was to God. Then I just had a strong sense that the Lord's return is much closer than we know. I know we hear those predictions a lot. It is easy for apathetic Christians to think such claims only come from fanatics. I wish I could place in their soul the urgency I had as I was driving my car. The nerve of this generation to put out such a blatantly vulgar song had me praying urgently. Any homosexuals who are reading this could easily be offended. They have no idea how merciful I am to this group. I love them with a deep compassion and actually detest how the religious right has treated them. I don't like how our churches ostracize them and paint them as beyond God's grace. Any sin is wrong. Hating your brother is just as harmful. But, even with my deep compassion this song had me rehearsing this verse.
2 Tim 3:1-5 3:1 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God- 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.
My father turned sixty last December. My mother's birthday is today and she is now also sixty. I am probably more concerned about this than they are. I hear of people dying in their fifties often. Heart attacks are usually to blame. I love my parents. Facing that they are getting older is a little scary for me. I live the closest to them out of all my siblings. Due to this fact I have grown close to them. I try to visit them at least one day a week. I came home today for my mother's birthday. I bought her a few things at the store and then spent some of the day cleaning their house. As their ages increase I sometimes consider what I would do without them. It is not a thought I like to dwell on. Never the less, I do fear loosing them. Luckily they have great genes! All four of my grandparents lived long lives. Hopefully this trend will continue in the next generation.
Many of you know I work in cleaning. I actually clean toilets at a factory to be more specific. Not exactly the most elegant job. But, as I have stated before, it fits me perfectly. So, as you might guess I am not required to fix my hair or wear my nice clothes to work. I am cleaning toilets in a factory that is not air conditioned ! After the job is finished you can imagine my beauty. Hair pulled back, sweaty, and possibly smelling of...well you know. So, after work I head to this gas station to fill up my car's tank. It has no card payment so I go inside to pay. The male cashier has a face of shock. I didn't pay much attention to this reaction until he said, "You are a very beautiful girl!" I kind of laugh to myself. Then he mentioned that he saw the pictures of my niece and nephews in my wallet. He boldly asks,"Do you have children?" I answer in the negative and explain these kids are my relations. He replies,"I want to see you more often. I hope you come back here to buy gas." (Actually he didn't say those exact words. He said something like that. I didn't feel obligated to memorize the conversation.) Again I am shocked at male cashiers boldness. Apparently not only was he incredibly bold, but also blind. I looked like something the cat dragged in. I found this hilarious.
Please forgive my many, recent posts about my illness. I know that some of you would rather hear me talk on spiritual matter or daily life updates. But, honestly my illness has just been on my mind recently so that is what I blog about. I was heading to bed when this thought came to me. What is a huge preventative measure in today's health culture? Weight loss, right? Any doctor will tell you that extreme weight gain or obesity will enhance you risk of getting other ailments like diabetes and heart disease. So here is my question. Why would any doctor prescribe chemical altering drugs that cause massive amounts of weight gain? Doesn't this seem completely irrational? Well, not if you consider that drug companies are expecting to benefit from future ailments. Now one might say I am paranoid and mistrusting of drug companies and I am making unrealistic remarks. But, ask yourself isn't this exactly what is happening? My mother has been on drugs that have constantly messed with her weight. In her college's years she was a healthy looking twenty year old. She has now had massive weight gain due to her medication. She is now diabetic and shelling out more cash to pay for insulin and other diabetic supplies. This might have been preventable. I am now technically overweight if you trust today's obesity charts. This weight was gained in a very short time directly correlated to my medication. Next time I talk to my psychiatrist I am going to ask her how this makes any sense.
Funny Update So I wanted to get some feedback about this area of weight gain. I went to an "ask a doctor" online help. Went through the registration and asked about the profit possibility. Oh, before they answered the question they required you pay 9, 15, or 30 dollars depending on how fast you wanted the answer. Um, I think I got my answer.
Currently I am dependant on my medication and my psychiatrist's intellect. Despite my deep concern with medical practices in the field of mental illness I still continue to follow any given advice. So far my doctors have proven that when I am off my medication my behavior is deeply affected. I will give them that. But, there are still questionable practices. I have been told numerous times not to read my Bible when I am sick. I have been told to find my inner peace instead of thinking of spiritual issues. I have been told that my faith can't control every facet of my life. If my doctors were brave enough they would verbally profess that my faith is a symptom of my illness. Actually, they have told me that. But, to be brave I think they would tell others close to me. They don't. They keep a low profile, but they still testify that my spirituality is a negative factor in my life. In this clip Thomas Sazas confronts the illness doctors considered slaves to have. This was a real diagnosis! Recently, I have interested myself in the study of Thomas Sazaz and others like him. Very, very interesting reading. I think Thomas is paving the way for a revolutionary understanding of mental illness and the billion-dollar industry we call help. I must admit, as I am more and more fearful that I will not receive Medicade I have to face this truth. I was completely unwilling to go to the hospital. I fought anyone who said I needed to take my medicine and go to the hospital. Despite my fighting I may end up having to pay for numerous hospital visits that add up to thousands of dollars. If this were true of everyone the medical field has an extremely scary power. They can force anyone to be treated, against their will, and still have the right to ask for payment. Does anyone else see the inevitable trap? How would you like it if someone had the authority to force you to take an action that cost you thousands even though you had no desire to do it? Is this fair? My life is completely dependant on a system that tells me to turn my back on God. My life has been destroyed by a system that is supposed to cure me. Don’t take my word for it. Read! Educate yourself on the practices of early forms of treatment. Institutions did horrible things and we the nation never repented for it. We just consider that a doctor should silence the small voice of the ill because he has a degree.
There are some conversations that come naturally. There are experiences that we all face as human beings. Those experiences find themselves in everyday conversations. Relationships and careers are some of these. But, what if you have something that is unique to only a certain population. My illness for example. Doctors, family members, and friends may try to dictate to me how I am to overcome this illness. They do this with deep concern and love, oh and....ignorance. Sure they have deep compassion and some understanding into the illness. But, they have no experience. They can't relate to the feeling of alienation, confusion, and loneliness. They don't understand that every time I put the medicine in my mouth it is another dark reminder that I am ill and different. They just know it is temporary relief from insanity. They don't understand that your struggles with money directly related to the fact that the illness robbed you of the ability to go to school, find a job, or even balance your check book. All they hear is you asking again if you can borrow some cash. They don't stay up at night with you when you are tossing in your bed just wishing you could sleep. All they know is that staying awake is a symptom of the illness so it is time to reevaluate your treatment. I don't fault these actions. I know they are done out of love. But, it still stings when I fear there is no one to really talk to. No one who has experienced the depths of a mental illness. No one who I can relate to on a deep level. There is some solace when I pray to my Father in heaven. But, I have some difficulty really conversing with the Being who allowed me to suffer as I do. Oh, we still talk, but again there is a lack of understanding and therefore some haziness.
19 "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Ben Bowers briefly referred to this verse in his message about God's desire for a house of prayer. The moment that the verse crossed his lips revelation started pouring into my spirit. I have heard many speakers talk about growth. They express a desire to see more people in the pews. The Call event coming up will have numerous people. Eight years ago four hundred thousand attended a Call service in Washington, DC. Many times when people preach about growth they often use this phrase, "It is not all about numbers." I actually think people say that so they sound spiritual. In their hearts I think they might still believe it is about numbers. Why else would they be giving a message about growth? Unfortunately, in today's society bigger is better. It seems rational that if more people join your cause your ministry is effective. So, I have heard Matthew 18:20 dozens of times. But, God just radically awakened me to its reality. If there are two people gathered together in the name of Jesus they are extremely effective. When I say effective I mean able to change a nation! Could it be true that God listens to the prayers of two people asking for a nation just as much as He hears four hundred thousand??? Now, I know that repentance in large scale is impressive and moving. But, God hears the repentance of two fervent intercessors with the same intensity. Why? Because He is in the midst of them. Whatever they ask is going before a God fully capable of changing heaven and earth! I am tempted in prayer to think I am not being successful when no one shows up for a prayer set. The room is empty except the few people on the worship team. I am going to force myself to believe that the few are just as powerful. It touches God to see the remnant interceding! I know this sounds like an obvious interpretation of this verse. You just have to understand that it is spiritually real to me now. I feel cleansed of a worldly concept regarding success and numbers.
So this is a clip of Obama's thoughts on the issue of abortion. He doesn't deny that this is a sensitive and moral issue. But, he believes that women can make the right decision. If you would take that reasoning to a former issue that America faced Obama might not be on the ballot, but in chains. I remember the confederates thinking that States had the moral judgement to eradicate or support slavery. I wonder how Obama would respond to this.
So please don't take this as me boasting. That is NOT my intention at all. But, I have to share this. I have recently sang two songs for The Point. One was "Never Alone" by Barlow Girl. The other one was "Oh How He Loves Us" by John McMillan. Both times the song had a section where I just didn't like the way my voice sounded. It was usually the part that was made to impress people. You know that section where the singer belts and shows their stuff. Well, I was timid to say the least. As I came before the crowd I knew that those specific sections would not be very soothing. Still I knew God had put those specific songs on my heart. I knew they had the power to minister. So despite my fear I still chose to sing those specific songs. I am here to testify that both times the Lord took over my vocal chords. I sang the part how I would have desired for it to sound. In the midst of singing, God gave my voice power. I have noticed that overtime my voice has slowly improved. I think this comes from singing as much as I do and being around amazing singers. You start to emulate. I have always loved to sing. But, I actually love singing for an audience of one the most. There is nothing sweeter than being in an empty room and filling the emptiness with praises to God. No performance, no critics, and one captivated God!
I just had to introduce my readers to an outstanding drink. It is being sold at Taco Bell. It is called a Fruitista Freeze. It is phenomenal! I like the Mango, Strawberry the best. Full of flavor and sweetness. You won't be disappointed.
The secret place, the intimate encounter, the raw presence of God. There are times when I am alone with the Lord and the world fades away. All my struggles seem like nothing. It is a place I never want to leave. But, I have to address this mystery. My most powerful, tangible experiences happen when I am alone in my room listening to worship music. Not when I am surrounded by other believers. In fact during this season my regular morning church services have been stale. But, God is so near when I simply by myself. I have begun to crave these intimate encounters. I steal away and hide. I know that corporate fellowship is necessary. I haven't completely cut out all fellowship. But, I look forward to the end of the day. I finish all my programs and obligations. Then at the end of the day I rush to my room, turn off the lights, put on worship music, and weep. God is so close during these times. His presence is so tangible and soothing. My day is full of a flurry of activities. The only time I feel truly fulfilled and loved is during my night sessions. I pray that God's presence would be just as evident in corporate settings. But, there is just something special about my alone times.
Honesty is a quality that is rare. I am not talking about people using obvious lies. I am talking about humanity's temptation to wear a mask. People desire to impress others so they present themselves in an acceptable light. They manipulate their closest friends or even soul mates just to escape embarrassment or feeling uncomfortable. I have had a few experiences with facades. Where does this lead? I will tell you. Nowhere. Eventually the truth of their character will win out. I would rather they show their ugly side. I would rather have a realistic version of the person. If I know about your flaws I can be more honest with my flaws.
Prov 26:24-26 He who hates disguises it with his lips, But he lays up deceit in his heart. When he speaks graciously, do not believe him, For there are seven abominations in his heart. Though his hatred covers itself with guile, His wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.
This post might be full of raw thoughts and emotion. I haven't given myself time and prayer to really check my beliefs. I just heard this speaker on a Christian radio station and had to post my reaction. The speaker was talking about spiritual dreams. He quoted sections in the Bible like Jeremiah and Zechariah to support his claims. The claims that dreams aren't always from God. Here is one of the versus that say something to that affect. Jer 23:32 32 Indeed, I am against those who prophesy false dreams," declares the LORD. "They tell them and lead my people astray with their reckless lies, yet I did not send or appoint them. They do not benefit these people in the least," declares the LORD.
Obviously I agree. Even with my many spiritual dreams I have had extremely demonic dreams. You have to have discernment. You have to take your dream to the Lord and weigh it against sound scripture. So far what the speaker was saying resonated with me. Well, that is until he said this.
"God doesn't need dreams. Everything we need to know about God is in the Bible. He doesn't have to use dreams anymore because there is nothing new He has to say."
I probably should have listened to his whole sermon. Unfortunately, that quote made me so furious I had to change the station. The Bible indeed holds all the keys we need to live righteously. The gift of salvation in Christ is plainly laid out in scriptures. But, God does indeed still have numerous things about Himself He wishes to reveal. I don't want to read about the awesome experiences of people in the Bible and never experience it for myself! I think God used biblical stories as a guide to the way our lives should be. David wrote psalms, we should write music. Daniel had dreams, we should have dreams. God spoke to Abram and called him to move,we are directed in our daily lives by God's nudge. I am still uncertain about exactly how the Bible is the only authority on God. I believe without a doubt it is the foundation of the faith. Everything should be weighed against it's truth! But, God still speaks to His servants today. I know that the Bible is inerrant! I know the Bible is God speaking to this lost world. But, I think we sometimes limit God by using His word incorrectly. The Bible is full of people's testimony about the Lord. But, I guess my statement below sums up what I am trying to say.
"My testimony about how Jesus has worked in my life should equal that of the testimonies of Paul, David, or Peter.
I guess my main grief is GOD IS STILL ALIVE TODAY!!! He is raising up Davids, Esthers, and Daniels. They are God servants just as much as biblical characters are. Why limit God to the time frame of the Bible? Why can't He raise up prophets, messengers, and revolutionaries now?
I am probably going to get a lot of hate mail on this. Bring it on! :)
I have never been a fan of the Fourth of July. Growing up in Kendallville this holiday was code word for: Smelly, beer gut, beer guzzling men allowed to play with fire. I am also not a big fan of load booms. Mostly because you spend thousands of dollars for a three second thrill. Starving children could use that money in better fashion. Despite this negative bias I actually enjoyed my July forth weekend. I didn't have to work and I got to enjoy nature with some friends. Here are some of the pictures.
Apparently bark makes campfires smoke more. Didn't know that till today. Here is Katie cutting away at the bark.
Here is Matt getting ready to fish. He spent nine dollars on a fishing licence for one day. Pretty steep if you ask me. He caught two itty bitty fish.
Here is Fran, Matt's mother. She is heating up some macaroni with hot dogs for the hungry crew.
I opted not to go in the boat. Mainly because they almost guaranteed that the boat would tip at least once. When we reconnected with the boating crew they informed us that this indeed did happen.
Due to the medicine I take it has become a lot easier for me to put on weight. Last January I weighed 125. I felt content, healthy, and beautiful. It is now July 4th. In 6 months I have put on 30 pounds. I weigh 155. Every time I look in the mirror I grieve. It happened so fast. I have been going to the YMCA faithfully for five days a week for 1 hour. Since I got my membership I have gained 5 pounds. I thought doing an hour of exercise during the week would help me loose the extra pounds. Instead I have gained. This is really a struggle for me. I am determined to loose the weight and reach my 130 goal. Please pray for me.
