No One To Talk To

There are some conversations that come naturally. There are experiences that we all face as human beings. Those experiences find themselves in everyday conversations. Relationships and careers are some of these. But, what if you have something that is unique to only a certain population. My illness for example. Doctors, family members, and friends may try to dictate to me how I am to overcome this illness. They do this with deep concern and love, oh and....ignorance. Sure they have deep compassion and some understanding into the illness. But, they have no experience. They can't relate to the feeling of alienation, confusion, and loneliness. They don't understand that every time I put the medicine in my mouth it is another dark reminder that I am ill and different. They just know it is temporary relief from insanity. They don't understand that your struggles with money directly related to the fact that the illness robbed you of the ability to go to school, find a job, or even balance your check book. All they hear is you asking again if you can borrow some cash. They don't stay up at night with you when you are tossing in your bed just wishing you could sleep. All they know is that staying awake is a symptom of the illness so it is time to reevaluate your treatment. I don't fault these actions. I know they are done out of love. But, it still stings when I fear there is no one to really talk to. No one who has experienced the depths of a mental illness. No one who I can relate to on a deep level. There is some solace when I pray to my Father in heaven. But, I have some difficulty really conversing with the Being who allowed me to suffer as I do. Oh, we still talk, but again there is a lack of understanding and therefore some haziness.