Deal With It

When you have been deeply hurt by an experience in your life God does not allow you to avoid the issue. Sorry, all you Christians who have been stuffing your emotions and hiding your pain. We can fool people rather easily. But, God knows our inner most being. He created us. He knows us and it is IMPOSSIBLE to fool Him. I have a wound in my soul that has never fully healed. When I am not conscientiously thinking about this pain it is still influencing all my relationships. At least once a year God brings this issue to the table and asks me to be honest and deal with it. I often fight Him. I try to tell Him I have moved passed the issue. I try to remind Him of my deep love for Him. I say, "God I love You, You have given me eternity with You, this issue is not that big of a deal!" Even though I say these things God is vigilant. No, daughter we need to discuss this. We need to heal. We need to find freedom! I have tried numerous times to set up emotional barricades. When I am hurting I will try to force myself to be joyful. This rarely works. God keeps repeating this phrase, "Tamara I am the shoulder you can cry on." When I am honest with myself I find that God is right all along. Dealing with pain is more effective than avoiding it. I am going to try to be diligent in addressing those issues that have stolen my joy and freedom. Healing is a process and only works when it finds a humble, broken vessel.

Spirit of Fear

Recently God has highlighted fear in my life. Many times we react with fear and this is sin. We dress fear up and give it a different name. We call it wisdom or acting out of experience. When I did this last time I failed. When I did this a second time I failed. The third time never comes because you begin to expect failure. You don’t face that challenge because life has taught you that you won’t overcome. God has not given us a spirit of timidity or fear. Life has on numerous occasions stolen my confidence and faith. There are challenges that I have simply walked away from because I was paralyzed by fear. God has been challenging me to be obedient even when I am not comfortable. He wants me to act in faith not in knowledge or experience. I have been witnessing promises manifest in many different arenas in my life. These promises have happened because I faced my fear. I challenge you to take an inventory of your life. How has fear stifled your walk? What do you consider to be impossible or insurmountable? These are the very things that allow a supernatural God to prove His power! God doesn't want us to be comfortable. He wants us to challenge ourselves and live a life less ordinary.

Engaged? Whimper, Tear

My Hollywood crush is now off limits. I just found out today that David Krumholtz has proposed to this young lady. Pray for me during my grieving process. :) He is such a beautiful Jewish man.

Another Confirmation

I have received plenty of support surrounding my return to college. God is graciously making it clear that this endeavor is in His will. I am extremely satisfied with my decision to pursue a degree. I am receiving little confirmations every where I turn. I wanted to share a particular one with my blog readers. My Dad was not supportive of my decision to attend the University of Evansville. Mainly because the cost was astronomical. He was right. I could have never paid for a four year degree even with a 15,000 scholarship. When I started to register for classes at Taylor I didn't tell my Dad. I was afraid that he wouldn't be supportive. I figured he would ask me to reconsider. I went to my first classes and finally decided I had to tell him. I had three separate people pray for this conversation. To my surprise my dad was enthusiastic and very encouraging. I knew my dad went to Purdue for college. He always wanted me to attend there. What I didn't know is his only other choice was Taylor! This coincidence set me at ease. God is making this transition so smooth. I was so fearful of this step, but every day God is building my faith and challenging me to be all I can be.

When God Closes a Door....

The Muncie Civic Theater is holding auditions for The Sound of Music on September 6. I wanted to audition! I love that musical and have always wanted to be in it. I got my song ready and memorized my monologue. It really didn't make any sense for me to try out. The theater is one hour and forty five minutes from where I live. I didn't let that detour me though. I was willing to put up with coming home at 12:00am to 3:00am. But, obviously I came to my senses. I am not going to try out for this beloved musical. But, when I finally surrendered to common sense and the leading of the Lord I heard the Spirit say, "When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window. I have my eyes wide open. I am looking for an opportunity to audition for a theater production. Taylor is having auditions for a fall and spring semester production. Naturally, I will audition for those. The Civic Theater in Fort Wayne will be doing a production of The Glass Menagerie. I am familiar with that play, so I will also audition for that production. I miss acting and I feel like my Father God is allowing me to return to the stage in this season.

Abortion, A Tough Subject

I am critical of my writing. I am currently working on 5 different plays. I started with the ambition of finishing one. As I worked on this first piece I started to ridicule its creativity. I came up with other ideas and tried to work on those. I had the hope that they would be an improvement. Now I have a lot of unfinished plays that I am unsatisfied with. I brought this frustration to God. I went to take a nap and I said to myself, "God you can give me an idea in my sleep." I had a short dream about abortion. Before I had this dream God spoke to me about writing a play about abortion. I was listening to a speaker and I was moved to write a script about abortion. I knew such a subject would be powerful. Just as this thought entered my mind Rachel tapped me on the shoulder. She said, "Have you ever thought about writing a play about abortion?" I took that as confirmation. But as I was writing the play I wasn't feeling moved or successful. I became frustrated. I was ready to give up on writing a play about abortion. Then in the dream one of my friends started explaining to me why I should get an abortion. Then I heard an unrecognizable voice that said, "You don't know anything about abortion. You don't know anything." I took this dream as another confirmation that I should write a play addressing abortion. But, I think this dream is encouraging me to educate myself about what exactly takes place. I need to be more informed before I write a successful play. There is a down side to researching this topic. I have cried numerous times. I have been disgusted numerous times as well. When I read the actual abortion procedures I had to take a break. What they do is violent. It can't be termed surgery. It is murder. Now that I am becoming more informed I am also becoming more passionate. Passion is a necessary key to writing a good work of literature.

I have two play contest I am planning on entering. One is for the Civic Theater here in Fort Wayne. The other contest is for Taylor University Fort Wayne. These are great opportunities to not just write a great play, but possibly have it performed. I am trying to stay humble and not get my hopes up. But, I am not going to pretend like winning isn't a desire. I want to win so my message can be heard. To win I must be critical, diligent, passionate, and lean on the Spirit's leading. If you have room in your prayer journal add this request to the list.

I Had Nothing to Do With It

I am an official college student now. My first classes are on Monday, August 25. This is surreal to me. I never thought I would ever return to school. I was too fearful and I lacked any confidence. But, with the support of friends and the leading of God I finally applied. The whole process ran smoothly. Today was the beginning of Welcome Weekend. I took a math proficiency test and failed it miserably. I haven't used math at all in the last 8 years. This means I will have to take a remedial math refresher course. I don't mind this at all. I want to remind my brain how to use algebra. When I was in Evansville I tested and got placed in a Calculus class. It is true, if you don't use it, you loose it.
As I was walking the campus I started marveling at how caught off guard I am. This transition was completely unexpected. God has opened doors and secretly pushed me through them. I keep hearing this phrase. "I went to the enemy's camp and I took back what he stole from me!" The enemy stole my hopes when I left University of Evansville. I firmly believed that I would never heal from the experience. I was sure that after that heartbreak I would never chase after my dreams again. I'm am extremely grateful to God for everything He has done for me. He is in the process of healing deep wounds. I love Him and owe Him my life.

Taylor, Here I Come?

I was accepted to Taylor University, Fort Wayne. Around the end of last year on a Sunday night I listened to a sermon that directed me to consider college. A man was speaking about taking the initiative to help your dreams happen. He reminded us that we are partners with God. We can't expect Him to do all the work. The speaker gave a general word of knowledge during the service. He said that some people in the room would have to take a step of faith and apply for college. At the moment I felt as if that word was intended for me. When a general word is given it can be dangerous. It is easy for you to receive a word that you want. But, you actually have to discern if that word is for you. Normally, when general words are given I have trouble accepting them for my life. There is always that nagging thought that the word was intended for someone else.
Still, when the word was given faith started to rise in my inner man. I eventually applied to three colleges. Taylor stood out and really became the only option. As I started to mention my desire to return to college I received more support than I was expecting. Door started to open and I was encouraged. Returning to college is difficult for me because I carry deep, seeded fear. Fear of failure, illness, and financial difficulties. Even with these fears I am proceeding. My flesh is telling me that I could never succeed. But, my heart longs to improve my writing career. I am obviously wanting prayer. I will keep everyone updated on my progress.

Free Will

I am not a theologian; therefore, my perception of God is not usually defined or intellectual. But, I am often curious about spiritual matters and I constantly attempt to gain wisdom. I want a strong, foundational understanding of God's nature. There is a conflict I am having with a lingering, theological question. I will come to the question in a moment. First, I need to explain that this question is difficult and personal. The ramification of the answer could deeply impact my life. Either answer will impact my life. But, one answer has the power to negatively influence my spiritual walk. My ultimate destiny and calling could be delayed on account of someone else’s actions. The question revolves around the popular topic of free will. Here is the question:

What happens if someone who is involved in your life is not following after God’s heart? What if they use their free will to turn from God? Be it ever so little or insignificant. What if they are in rebellion, laziness, or apathy? Complicating the matter, what if they are influencing and involved in your life? Can that disrupt your walk with God? I am not talking about being unequally yoked. If you yoke yourself to a sinner you will be vulnerable to do the same. This is not what I am addressing. I am talking about stagnant Christians or fearful Christians that cause you to miss your destiny. I will give you an example. God calls a man to go to college. He starts to feel uneasy. As the time approaches he misses the necessary steps of faith needed to follow God’s will. He decides at the last minute not to attend college. The fact remains that God wanted him to attend college. This means that this man doesn’t meet the people that he was suppose to connect with. Who knows how he would have affected the walk of the people on campus. This man was disobedient, but not the only person involved in the decision. Now professors and students are in a will unlike God’s perfect will. Even if others involved were whole heartily sold out to God’s call they are now missing a vital piece. How do I reconcile this? I ask because there is a situation where a friend of mine is avoiding a call on their lives. This avoidance has the ability to delay or even destroy my vision and dream. How can we celebrate free will when it is so dangerous? Any thoughts?

Washington DC Pictures

This ladies and gentlemen is the first synagogue I have ever laid eyes on. You might say I was happy. You might say I was ecstatic. You might say I was crying. You would be right.




These are the three people who organized the trip. Melissa on the left, then her husband Casey, and Laurie at the right. They are cutting the red tape and writing LIFE. This red tape is used later to cover everyone's mouth. This symbolizes the millions of babies who have been silenced.




This is Madison. She is Ben Bower's daughter. I had to post her picture. Her cousin was killed in a car accident right before we left for The Call. This tragedy stopped Ben from being able to attend The Call. But, Madison decided to come anyway thinking she could pray for her extended family during this time. Your prayers are coveted in this hour.



Washington DC has streets of all the states. I had to take a picture of my hometown. I assuredly looked like a tourist snapping a picture at a street sign.



This massive piece of rock was on the side of a building. It was powerful to see.






Aiden came with us. He did so well. He is a warrior, a trouper, and too adorable!

First Call Post

I returned from The Call, Washington DC around 7:30pm tonight. I have so much to share. I am somewhat overwhelmed with all that God is showing me. I can't possibly put everything into words. I will make some effort to share. Here is just a brief unveiling of some words spoken over me during this crucial weekend.

I feel like the Lord is not only bolstering me forward, but also closing some chapters in my life. There are things in my past and even in my present where I need closer. When you don't have closer on an issue that issue can become burdensome and heavy. If you don't find closer that issue will haunt you despite your best effort to move on. Closer has to happen supernaturally and definitively. The Lord has given me great hope for the future. With this hope He has also told me that I need focus. If I am distracted by numerous other things (especially things in my past) I will not be successful in what He has for me now. This even means sacrificing some things that I deeply want. This cutting away is difficult, but at the same time very refreshing.

Although I had a major spiritual renewal at The Call I also fell in love with the city. It was different to hear sirens sounding every ten minutes. Fire trucks, police cars, and EMS. There was never a dull moment. You walk down a street and come face to face with poverty. I saw numerous men sleeping on cardboard with merely a sheet to warm themselves. Terrorism also looms in your mind. Washington DC is undeniably more of a target than Fort Wayne. Even with all this danger in mind I felt like I should have been born there. There is so much culture. As you walk down the street you may hear Chinese, Spanish, French, or Arabic speaking people. Such beautiful sounds. Then so many different museums. Unfortunately, we weren't able to visit any museums. They had a Holocaust museum. I will regret not slipping away to visit it. But, I forced myself to pray and fast with the crowd because that is why I came. I wasn't there to go sight seeing. But, if I could I would go back for that purpose. I am usually fearful and disoriented in cities I have never been at. Indianapolis even scares me. I hate being in big cities that I am not use to. I didn't feel that at all when I was in DC. It felt safe, relaxed, and welcomed. I love art and culture. Washington DC has it all! I love that city enough to move there one day. If God would ever direct me to do so.

Advice From You, My Readers

I was listening to the radio on my way home last night and heard an interesting suggestion. The speaker was talking about making progress on your dreams. One suggestion he made was do the thing you want to, but are afraid to do. For me, that would be attending college. But, the other advice he gave was a little more attainable. He suggested that I ask 5 of my friends what they think I should do for my life career or pursuit. So I decided to ask my blogging friends to comment. If anyone has an idea on what I should do with my life, please share. Don't feel like you have to say I would be a good writer just because you know I love to write. Be honest. Have fun and maybe I will get a good idea about where God is taking me.

Evil Technology

I have always struggled with patience. I am one of those people that get upset if a grocery store line is too long. I am good about hiding this impatience. I usually don't complain to the person behind me like some people do. Still I struggle with it inwardly. I have asked God to help, but I haven't improved much. I don't blame God, I blame myself. Now if you are wonder about the "Evil Technology" title of the blog, hold on, I am getting to that. Addressing the computer. There was a time when everyone had dial-up. Not this fancy Cable internet. There was a time when older computer took a lot longer time to load or download a program. Now they are much faster. This isn't a good thing in my case. I have become even more impatient. Even though the internet speed has improved enormously I still get frustrated when it takes like 5 seconds to bring up a web browser. My computer loads rather fast, but I still get agitated as I am waiting. I might not blame God, but I blame technology for improving. (For those of you who didn't catch the sarcasm please note I don't really blame faster technology. I blame myself.) :)

Weight and Fasting (Long Post)

Some earlier blogs have expressed my desire to loose weight. I was never really concerned about my weight before. I have weighed more than I weigh now and it never truly bothered me. I weighed 135 in high school and I have weighed a max of 165 before. I didn't become body conscience until I weighed 125 about a year ago. I had worked out in a gym with devotion allowing me to loose a total of 25 pounds in a very short period of time. People obviously noticed. This question was asked all the time,"How did you loose all that weight?" I was small enough that people even started to get concerned. But I loved the way I felt. For the first time I actually felt attractive in my clothes. Ever since I have weighed 125 my image has started to mean more to me. I am not exactly proud of this fact. Health is always important! But, I think I am obsessing a little too much. I am considering auditioning for a play. I keep thinking if I weighed less I would possibly have a better chance of getting cast. I am also refusing to buy new clothes even though I don't fit into most of my pants now. I keep thinking I will loose this weight, I must loose this weight. It actually depresses me. I am constantly pulling at my extra fat and glaring at my pot belly. I look in the mirror all the time. We don't have a scale here at my house. That is probably a good thing. When I am at my dad's I check my weight at least four times before I leave. I know this shouldn't be such an issue, but for some reason it is bothering me immensely.

I have a confession to make. I have always thought fasting was an essential spiritual discipline. I have decided that for a year I will be fasting lunch. I have basically held to that commitment. I have days where I fail. Still overall I have done a good job. I have tried numerous time to fast a full day. I have yet to be successful. Even when I went to The Call, Nashville I ended up breaking my fast. Can you blame me? They had Nachos and Cheese! Major Tamara temptation! Not being able to fast a whole day has always bothered me. I want to show God that I can fast a full day. I know it isn't about proving anything to God. But, I still think I should be able to fast a full day if I consider myself a prayer warrior. But, here is my confession. This weight-loss program calls for a day of detoxification. This means once a month you take 1 day to drink only water and a special juice concoction. Apparently, toxins can affect how much weight you loose. So, I had my detox day and I completed it without even eating a breath mint. I should be excited that I had the discipline to complete this goal. I am glad because I do feel thinner and healthier already. But, apparently my body image is more motivation for me than a spiritual discipline. What I mean to say is: I could go a whole day without food because I knew I would loose weight, but I have failed to fast a full day to strengthen my prayer life. This makes me worried that my body image is more important to me than my spiritual image.

Israel and the USA

Today on the news I heard that America made a request to Israel. They requested that Israel inform America before they attack Iran. Israel denied this request. I know that Iran is a threat to America. I also know that Israel and America have been good allies for a long time. I; however, think that Israel made the right choice. Although Iran is a threat to America it is an even larger threat to Israel. Israel should not limit their flexibility when it comes to a possible attack on Iran. Informing the American government that they plan to attack Iran might be followed by request not to attack or America trying to intervene on how they should attack. I don't think Israel should give America that much sovereignty. If Israel chooses to attack Iran chances are they have a good reason. I don't think informing America should be a requirement. Not only does Israel need to show some independence it also needs to to keep a level of secrecy.

Polotics

As I get older I become more and more uninterested in politics. Well that isn't true. It is more than not being interested. I have begun to hate politics. I still have strong moral opinions, but overall I care very little for the American political process. This was not always the case. I use to be extreme in my views. I would argue all the time and I was a huge fan of Rush Limbaugh. I even dressed up as him for Halloween. Talk about passionate and...weird. As I grow older I think I am simply sick of mud slinging, arguing, and division. Most Christians have this idea that if you are honestly a Christian you have to be conservative. I am starting to believe this concept less and less. I think Christians that are liberal have also contributed to society. Faith has really nothing to do with conservatism and liberalism in my view. I write this blog because I had a conversation with a friend about this year's election. He said although he is not a huge fan of McCain he thinks it is essential that Christians vote for him. Why? The issue of abortion. I had to think about this for awhile. Out of all the issues on the docket today abortion is by far the issue I am most concerned about. For all the people that hate Bush my respect for him has only grown. He has helped this nation in it's struggle to defeat legal abortions. For this I am extremely thankful. (I voted for him the first time and when he ran a second time I didn't vote.) I think my main reason I dislike the political system stems from a certain belief of mine. Politics will never be able to save this nation from it's corruption. The church and the church only has the influence. Yes, if a Christian is in office this is extremely beneficial. Still I don't think it is necessary. The Bible is full of people who changed history even in the midst of living in a pagan empire. They changed history and they were fishermen. Remember that even though Pontus Pilot had decided in his own mind that Jesus was innocent he still did the "correct political" action and pleased the crowd. Sending the most pure man to His death for crimes He didn't commit. I hope that the ending of abortion will not only be tied to the political process, but also due to the needful presence of places like the Hope Center. I hope everyday people will love scared pregnant teens and inform the public about why abortion is murder. It isn't about an argument. It is about love and knowledge. It starts with the little conversations. Who knows what Christian mentored Bush and eventually allowed him to be passionate about pro-life. That nameless man or woman has done a great deal for our country.

Texas is Getting Bigger

The phrase for Texas is "Everything is bigger in Texas!" That might be. Apparently the population of Texas has grown by 6 friends of mine in the past few years. Everyone I talk to is moving to Texas. When Jenny moved to Texas I had three dreams about Texas. Don't expect me to remember them all. They were the kind of dreams that didn't make a lot of sense. Not cohesive and simply strange. In one I remember seeing large building and people that were extremely skinny and tall. In the dream I said, "I guess everything is bigger in Texas!" Kind of silly. But, this sudden influx to Texas has me confused. The first and only time I went to Texas I attended One Day. A Christian day of prayer, sermons, and worship. Although One Day was amazing I can't really say Texas was. The scenery was rather dull, well at least compared to Virginia. It was full of slopping hills and cows and more slopping hills and cows. It was nicer than Indiana, but still nothing to get all excited about. When I was there I got eaten by fire ants. I had to use clear nail polish all over to recover from Chigger bites. There was a massive storm and because I was in a tent I woke up the next day soaked from head to toe. We also spent most of the day outside. I used sun screen, but my lips weren't protected. They swelled up and made it very hard to drink out of a straw. The culture is a tad bit weird as well. I guess I have images of country folk, big hair, and belt buckles. Now I must insert that I SUPPORT my friends in whatever God has for them. I was extremely proud of Jenny, one of my college friends who moved to Texas. Her dreams are coming true. Naturally I am here to support all my friends. I just don't understand why Texas is the state of choice. If I could choose where to live Virginia or Colorado sounds nice. Anyway I just decided to blog about this sudden influx to Texas because it has been on my mind. Did you know that Texas is number one for natural disasters as well? It is the most dangerous state because it is prey to more than a couple different natural disasters.

Water Logged

I have been trying to loose weight for some time now. I am working on a very specific program with a lady I know. We have been keeping track of what we eat and drink every day. After three weeks she told me I wasn't drinking enough. I usually have 2 large glasses of water a day, max. Often I drink less than that. She has been suggesting that I start drinking the recommended 8 glasses of water a day. So for about two days now I have made an effort to drink that exact dose. My body is not happy. I guess my body is normally dehydrated, so now that I am hydrating myself my body is perplexed. I know eventually my body will benefit. But, right now I get headaches and I feel nauseated all the time. It takes tons of effort to finish each glass.

Theater Fever

Some of you know that I wasn't accepted into the University of Evansville theater program. This was a major disappointment for me. After that let down I let my dreams of a profession in theater fade. Not many of my friends have seen me act. If you went to my high school you probably did. But, the majority of my friends never attended my high school. I know when you hear someone say they want to be an actor or an actress most people just assume the person will fail. Although I am not naive I do still want to act. I am not talking about Hollywood. I am talking about any production, any where! I want to act! I have too. I absolutely love performing. I love taking on different characters. I love building their emotions and rehearsing lines. I actually check out plays from the library just to practice lines. I really am in love with theater. Every now and again I get the acting bug. A few days ago I watched a musical with my aunt. It made me tingle inside. It made me miss theater. I am preparing to audition for a few plays near Fort Wayne. I have been selecting a few songs and monologues. I found a monologue that I simply love. I have been rehearsing it over and over.

Pain, Pain Everywhere

Everyone knows that if you are picking up a large object you should use your leg strength and not your back. If you bend over multiple times during daily activity you should bend a the knees and not bend with your back. In my job I lift heavy objects and bend over all the time. I have had back pain for awhile. So, I started to take this advice not wanting the back pain to get worse.. Well, now my knees are in excruciating pain. After I bend at the knee when I try to get back up I have to hold on to something. If I don't my knee hurt to much to give me the strength to raise myself up. I am getting old. If it's not one thing it is something else.

A Lesson in Writing

Having writer's block is horrible, but being free of writer's block is also a curse. You can sit on the computer for hours when you are writing well. You look at the clock and suddenly it is late. But, you can't stop now because the story is running too smoothly. If you are like me and make the story up as you go along you want to know what happens next. Just like it is impossible to put down a good book it is just as hard stop writing. I am writing a play for a contest that the Civic Theater is putting out. I saw the deadline was September 1. I thought a month isn't very long to write a whole play, but I wanted to try anyway. I have been writing like a maniac and enjoying every minute of it. I knew at this rate I would be done by the deadline. When I got back on the website to answer a technical question I saw the deadline again. It seems that the deadline is indeed September 1, but I didn't realize the deadline is Sept, 1 2009. I have a whole year to write the script. You would think this would be good news. Now I have time to perfect the plot and build the characters. I actually wasn't thrilled that the deadline was a year away. I won't know who won the contest till January 2010. That is a long time to wait if you are anticipating winning. I haven't backed off of my writing. I am writing like the deadline is still September 1, 2008. This is the first official contest I have sent my writing to. I have sent it to other contest. Those contest ended up being ploys to get money out of me. You know they read like this:

Congratulations, you have one our Creative Reward and our Exceptional Piece award. You can order our plaque of your published poem for $50.00.

I am young and naive. Sending my cherished work to a bunch of free loaders. When I saw the contest for the Civic Theater I knew it was legit. The Civic Theater is a performing company here in Fort Wayne. I have considered auditioning for one of their plays and had yet to do so. I went to their website and saw the contest. I was super excited. Even if I don't win it is sure fun writing the script.

Running Hard

Phil Yoder and I were distant acquaintances through middle school and high school. His sister was Amy Yoder. (Now married with the name Amy Begley.) She is the blond in the picture above. She was a few years ahead of me. She was an amazing runner and won all kinds of awards in track. I just read in the paper today that she qualified to go to the Olympics! I was so pleased and proud to hear about this. It is not everyday that someone you know qualifies to be on the USA Olympic team. Go East Noble Knights!

God's Remedy for a Pet Peeve

Everyone has a pet peeve. In fact, people usually have more than one. A pet peeve causes irrational anger and unnecessary annoyance. You may hate when a drive-thru window attendant forgets to put napkins in your bag. You may start to burn when your business associate likes to chew on pen caps. You may get cranky when the driver in front of you is going five miles under the speed limit. I know I have many pet peeves. I can stay calm and make the others think I am handling myself in a pet peeve situation. But, I have found myself often grumbling and complaining to myself. I have been making a list of my pet peeves and asking God to cure me of them. Christians are suppose to be gentle, meek, and loving. Pet peeves can turn the sweetest person into a monster if left unchecked. My most potent pet peeve is ditsy girls. You know the type. They laugh when nothing is funny, use the word "like" after every sentence, and have no common sense. I avoid people with this character flaw. Not only do I avoid them I demean them as a person. This is wrong. I have been asking God to deal strongly with this specific pet peeve. HE DID TODAY!! I was at one of the businesses that I clean during the week. I was running out of areas to clean and the break room hadn't been cleaned yet. There were two ladies in there eating. I decided to clean around them. One of the ladies was reading a magazine and discussing new fashion trends. I found the conversation stimulating so I decided to add some comments. Here is some of the conversation.

Lady: One thing I hate about today's fashion is skulls. Everything has skulls on it.
Tamara: Skulls? What are those. (I know what skulls are. They are the bone structure of the head. But, I was air headed at that moment. I thought she was using some fashion lingo that I hadn't heard of yet. Lingo words such as pleated skirt or boot leg jeans. So for some reason I was completely oblivious)
Lady: You know skulls. (she tried to explain what a skull was but didn't have a word to describe it)
Tamara: (I was beginning to feel stupid. These two ladies were looking at me like I was nuts for not knowing what a skull was. I tried to come up with the answer fast) Oh you mean like the bird. (There is no bird that sounds like skull. There is a squall that happens at sea. Again not a bird, but I might have thought of a sea gull.)
Lady One and Two: LOL
Lady Two: (putting her hand by her head and pointing) No, a skull!
Tamara: Oh yes! A skull. Yeah, those are scary on t-shirts. (Silence for a few moments) Wow, you must think I am a major ditz.
Lady Two: I was laughing to myself.

So God cured me of my distaste for the air head by turning me in to one.

Blind Painter

Awhile back I came across Akiane, the child painter, who just marveled me. I look at her paintings and am so amazed by her talent. I came across this painter and was floored. The youtube video is long, but well worth the time. This man has not only astonished artists, but apparently he has caught the eye (no pun intended) of the scientific community as well.

Who??

When I say the words Back to the Future, Princess Bride, and the Lord of the Rings many images come to mind. You may think of Micheal J Fox or, a Flux capacitor will 1.21 Jigawatts, or a Delorean. You may have a picture of a beautiful blond named Buttercup and a prince named Humperdink. You see Elijah Wood walking with hairy feet. But, I doubt these next names come to mind. Robert Zemeckis, Bob Gale, William Goldman, or Fran Walsh. These are the screenplay writers. Now some of you may be aware that Tolkien wrote Lord of the Rings. That is a more well known. But, I think it is quite interesting that popular, history making movies don't make a writer's name familiar. I have actually heard of Robert Zemeckis. But, if you asked me in a trivia question who was the screen play writer for Back to the Future I wouldn't win the million dollar prize. I had to look all of these writers up to make a point. Writers are often humble and never truly become well known until they have passed on. This makes this profession very glamorous for a girl like myself. God frowns on pride and loves humility. Being part of a nameless, faceless generation is quite easy if you have chosen writing as a profession. The Harry Potter series has sparked plenty of fanfare and applause. Anyone who has read the books has boasted about how amazing a writer JK Rowling is. However, I think more people are aware of the success of the movies and not so concerned about the author's name. I am not complaining. I mean sure I wish more credit was given to the creators of such stories. But, still I think the limelight is over rated any way.

Music Trend Very Telling

I have noticed a trend in popular female music. They degrade men. Most artist write about experience. Apparently, famous female singers have been jilted in love a few times. Men cheat and they are liars. These woman start to feel powerful when they explain these men's character flaws and admit they are completely independent of these jerks now. Kelly Clarkson is a perfect example. She has made countless "I hate the male species" jingles. She is not the only one by far. Although I find it completely immature to degrade a person in a song I find these accounts are rather accurate. I grew up in high school counseling girls who fell in love with a jerk. Sure I have countless tales about women who fell in love with amazing guys, married them, and are now happy. But, these songs would not be popular if they weren't emotions shared by the mass public. I know that there are men that are slime. I also know it is unhealthy and dangerous to feed a girl's hatred for these men. Every station (even some Christian) play songs about how men treat women bad. Poor guys. How are we to ever trust our future soul mate when the public paints all men as soulless monsters. I try to change the station when I hear a song explaining how this man cheated, lied, and broke her heart. Although there are moments I want to share in the girl's rage. Then I blast it and sing at the top of my lungs. Honestly though, culture is cruel to the male gender and it tends to create mistrust in any relationship. The women is quick to predicts that the man will break her heart, cheat, and lie. The man walks on eggs shells and tends to lie because he is afraid to show any part of him that is human and flawed.

Christian, Amazing

For those of you who don't watch TV and are not up on your Youtube traffic I had to share this video. It amazed me!

Break Room Battle

I find this hilarious. In the factory that I work at there is a break room. In that break room there is a LCD flat screen TV. On that flat screen TV the news is always on. I enjoy having the news on. I wouldn't stay in touch with the daily news if it weren't for the time I clean the break room. But, there is a battle going on around me. Will we watch CNN News or will we watch Fox News? One man is especially vocal about his distaste of Fox News. Every time he comes to the break room he grabs the remote and changes the station to CNN instead of Fox News. Every time he does this he informs me that he hates Fox News. Honestly every time he changes the channel he finds it necessary to tell me that he hates Fox News. Actually one time he came into the break room, changed the channel, told me he hated Fox News, and then proceeded to leave the room. That is right. He had no intention of watching the news at that time, but Fox News bothered him so much that he couldn't stand the TV being tuned to that station. He might be trying to influence his fellow employees. Now the group of people that like Fox News are not as extreme, but they are annoyed by the CNN news. They are also found flipping the remote when the "CNN News Extremist" leaves the break room. Every time I enter the break room I am either greeted by a Fox News newscaster or a CNN newscaster. I personally don't favor a station. But, my factory buddies sure do.