Sunday, April 06, 2008
I tried to fight it. I tried to posture my heart to receive, but a prevailing anger, resentment, and bitter taste in my mouth stopped me from being successful. Today our pastor revealed that a man named Ray has been calling up churches saying this phrase. "I bet you are a church who has a form of godliness, but deny its power. I bet you can't even cast the demons out of me." Let me say that Ray may have a better spiritual discernment than most of the church body. We are so easily doped into preaching about God's power, falling as if slain by the Spirit, and speaking boldly but actually we are frail, powerless, and selfish. We had our "baptism of the holy ghost" sermon today. I think I have it memorized. We have one every year and sometimes more than once a year. A time where a lot of hoopla happens, but I profess not much spiritual revival. Just two Sundays ago I was escorting my mom out of the church because the organized church didn't know what to do with her. She was disrupting the service. No power to heal her so we better quietly boot her out of the church. I hear my heart and I know my bitterness doesn't make the problem go away. But, someone has to dismantle the hype of fake spirituality. I was so heartbroken during the service. I just felt as if this revival I have been praying for is never going to come. We are to busy faking it. The church is too selfish. They want all the prestige and pomp of a successful church, but they don't want the sweat, tears, and repentance that goes with it. Right now I am utterly sick of the modern day, American church. I am so angry I don't know what to do with myself. I know that part of this feeling I must repent of and give grace. But, I think part of my displeasure is God given. I want to meet Ray. We would have a lot in common.