Labor Day

Today is Labor Day. I don't know much about Labor Day. I don't know what is signifies. I don't know what I should be celebrating. This morning I decided to sleep in, even when I probably should have been productive. Upland's Labor Day Parade was literally one block from my apartment. The sirens woke me up, so I decided to get ready and watch as much as I could from my little apartment. I eventually saw horses, so that was a little gift from heaven. (I love horses). Then I went to lunch on campus. Then I came to watch rehearsal for Clyborne Park. It broke my heart. I know it will be a lovely production, but I feel like the role was perfect for me. I watch someone else playing the role and it just stings. I will never have an opportunity like this again. I may be able to play the role in the future, but not with the people who are currently performing. I want to keep reminding myself that it isn't a big deal. However, it still hurts. Maybe more than I care to admit to my friends. I am praying that I won't fall into despair.
This also has me doubting my abilities in everything. Every time I start to work on a project, I feel incapable. I feel like I don't have the words or the stamina to keep up with my classmates. Like I mentioned in an early post, I just feel like I am shut down. But, I am not absent of hope. I have learned that the harder it gets, the better the reward. I cling to that promise.