First Love

I am returning to my first love. Not so much a returning, it’s more like an intensifying. Choosing to love Him with more capacity. Believing that He loves me beyond what I can imagine. Returning to your first love simply takes belief. Faith in His goodness. Accepting that you are His! Yes, there is an aspect of repentance, but I don’t think leaving your first love is only about sin. God calls us to “Remember from where we have fallen”. We shouldn’t understand willful disobedience as the only falling away. You can forsake your first love even without willful disobedience. Don't live beneath your capacity to love!

God is faithful to drop hints. Often that hint is just an ache rising from inside, reminding us to fellowship. It fascinates me that God has the capacity to think about me every second, and He does! I don’t have that same luxury because our earthly life is often one-big-distraction. I look forward to my resurrection, when my weakness will no longer rob me of love.

The Spirit never lacks in jealousy. I had a spiritual dream that enforced my passion.

I was in an indoor swimming pool. I was swimming with the disciples and Jesus. Everyone else was having fun, laughing and playing in the water. Jesus looked very attractive and beautiful. When Jesus came near me, I would attempt to avoid Him or crawl into a ball. I knew He knew that I was attracted to Him. I knew, the closer He came, the more beautiful He was to me. I felt shame because I couldn’t hide my desire. He came near again and I retreated into myself, trying to hide my longing for Him.

I thought to myself, He knows my thoughts. He knows I am attracted to Him. I felt shame, but had no ability to change my desire.

Even so, I felt God’s pleasure over me. Everyone continued to play in the water. Again, Jesus came near to me. This time I escaped to another pool. This pool had line guards for lap swimming. I swam to the opposite end of the pool, trying to distance myself from the glorious Son of Man. Still, Jesus caught up with me. I reached the end of the pool, and Jesus kissed me with passion. He remained before me after the kiss. Long enough for me to think, “It doesn’t matter what I do or what others’ think, I have no choice. He is too attractive; I can’t destroy my desire. He’s holy beautiful!

Then he returned to swimming with the other disciples. I stayed there for a moment stunned and full of joy. I got out of the pool and found a stove that was overflowing with grease and oil. I attempted to make it less of a hazard. Various pans, on the floor, were catching the excess grease. However, they were all overflowing. I tried to divert some of the excess grease to those pans, but it was in vain.

Then I tried to press a button to turn the stove off. However, it ignited the grease and a small fire started. I knew that this fire would only grow. I thought I could get some water from the pool, but then I remembered that water couldn’t stop grease fires. I saw another button and hoped it would stop the fire; it only made it worse. I remembered the verse: 

Set me as a seal upon your heart,
as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death,
jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire,
the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.

I share that intimate dream to encourage you in your pursuit. It is vanity to deny His beauty. One glance robs you of any free will. Returning to your first love, requires that you remember WHO you are returning to. Suddenly, the repenting becomes easy!