One Thing Fort Wayne Reflections

I have now attended three One Thing conferences. Each have a place in my heart. My first One Thing I was called to the place of prayer. The speaker said those who were called to be Annas in the House of Prayer were feeling a heat on their bodies. The heat was so intense I busted into violent tears. That was also the first time I heard Corey Russell. That message ruined me and set my focus on the word of God. The second One Thing conference was less of a personal encounter and more of a corporate knitting. I went with my young adult's group and most of them were new to the concept of IHOP. I served as a link. I spent most of my time in prayer for each of their hearts. I tried my best to explain the One Thing calling and introduce them to harp and bowl. I struggled with pride and God dealt with my struggles to seek the approval of man as well.

One Thing Fort Wayne was the most intimate and holy encounter of them all. I felt a direct connection to the throne. God repeated His love for me over and over. Sure the speakers were speaking of God's love and the worship was expressing the same. But, it wasn't the songs, singers, or speakers. I was hearing straight from God. I felt His presence deeply. He once again jealously pulled me back to the secret place. The prayer room will once again have a passionate lover. I had glimpses of glory and reminders of the immense passion in God's blazing heart. I felt more freedom in worship as well. Lately I have felt unattached in worship. I stand there stoic and unaffected. Not during Justin Rizzo's set! My heart moved within me and my body had to dance.
I have been praying about The Call in Washington DC. I was afraid I would just go because it was expected of me. I was afraid my motives were impure. I brought these struggles before God. I started to think The Call was just going to be another event. Another meeting to express zeal pushed out of man's strength and not God's spirit. I just didn't feel connected. But, suddenly God told me if I would devote myself to prayer in preparation for this event He would meet me and hear the cry of His church for the unborn.

Finally I want to share another revelation I received during this event. I got a new understanding of how we are free to hate our past sins. So, often we come to God with our sin and slowly allow Him to forgive us. We weep and cry out, "Oh God we are unworthy, but thank You for Your love and mercy." We see that season of disobedience as a moment of weakness and trust God to set us free. This is what we are suppose to do. But, let me add that we should hate our past sin and declare our victory over it. We need to denounce the specific sins, not just confess we did it and receive forgiveness. We have to take ownership of our lives as needing to be pure and completely victorious over sin. You have to be diligent to rid your life of any tie that might lure you back to that sin. We can't just whimper over our failure. I hate this statement, "We are only human." I truly hate it. When people say this I cringe and my heart shivers inside of me. We can't excuse away our sin as a mishap that was bound to happen. NO! We must confess that for a time we turned away from God, but now through His abundant grace we will be wholly devoted to Him. I renounce that sin and declare it has no more grip on my life. I am set apart and God is longing for my righteousness to be revealed. That sin will not and cannot taint His love for me. I crush any notion that past sins linger in my life. Jesus Christ blood is enough to not only clear me of the sin but to make me exceedingly angry it even made an effort to draw me away for Him! People have told me to fully forgive myself I have to admit that I am only human. I won't declare that over my life. I am passionate for the law of the Lord. And though I accept forgiveness I never stop being repentant for my past sins. I want to be blameless in His sight. I am running a race and compromise can't flirt it's way into my heart. It is not strange or unhealthy to run with passion, zeal, sold-out love for a God who sent His Son to die for us! My past sins will forever wound my heart. I will always be reminded of how I failed to live up to God's precious, holy, lovely law. I walk in forgiveness, but I hold on to the desire to own up to the fact that I deeply hurt my Savior's heart. I will never relent of weeping at night, begging that God keep me from the place of compromise. I have to encounter Him in the place of light. Though I am dark I am lovely in His eyes. I am a sinner. Wretched and unworthy of God's pure love. Yet, I remain His garden of delight.