Caterpillar, Cocoon, Butterfly

I often have moments of complete terror when I start to recognize I am getting older. Events that have forced me to recognize the inevitable wrinkles are marriages and newborns. I still have the impression that marriage bars you from connecting with your single friends as you once did. Babies alter you personality in marvelous and profound ways. I will admit change is scary to me. And I am surrounded by it. I have yet to experience either of these life changes, marriage or babies. I feel awkward. It is causing me to retreat to a familiar place where I can feel young and centered. I have been visiting my parents a lot this week. I admit I think it is out of fear and feeling uncomfortable in Fort Wayne. I just woke up one morning and felt disillusioned. Most of the things I was once passionate for no longer move me. I have avoided the prayer room this month. I know this will shock many of you but I must come clean. IHOP is no longer something I desire to pursue. Even admitting it to myself hasn't convinced me. I think I will wake up and this eerie feeling of change will dissipate. I will walk into the prayer room and all my spiritual ecstasy will return. But, this week I was not only avoiding prayer I was listening to my inner dialogue murdering its reputation. Some recent events have led me to believe that IHOP is no longer where God wants me to be. Saying that frightens me deeply, yet at the same time I feel relief admitting it. I have felt this disconnected feeling for awhile now. It started with the feeling that God was going to move me out of Fort Wayne. This disconnected feeling has only intensified. I really think I need to move on. On to what I have NO idea. There is one passion that has yet to die. I still love to write. I have been writing for hours on end. Some poetry but lately I have been working on stories. Stories that could blossom to actual books. I will admit I feel alone. It really has nothing to do with my current friendships. It has more to do with the gruesome power of metamorphosis. Every night my heart awakens. It taunts me by saying, "See another day is over and you still don't have the power to stop time. Night is creeping up on you and so is the age of thirty. Who do you want to be? It is time to dilute the facade and become who God has made you to be."

Another Long Dream

It happened again. I had another 15-20 minute dream. This dream was astounding. Just like the ones before it. This time I was facing a wall. I saw five demons. One at a time. I was interceding for my mother. Every time a demon came on the wall I knew exactly the type of demon. There was fear and perception for sure. Unfortunately I don't recall the others. I addressed each demon with bold accusations and said "In Jesus's name leave her alone". I remember the perception one especially because it was followed by something more. I saw hundreds of mentally ill patients strapped down to gurneys. All at once the restraints broke off and they all got up. I saw a direct correlation to the drugs being used and the scientific community denying the existence of God. I really am not attacking the medicine and actions of the medical community. I am just saying what I saw. Then in a loud voice I heard people simultaneously repenting for the atrocities done to mentally ill patience. I will admit that a lot of horror revolves around the history of mental illness practices.
Then God addressed my experiences in college. I heard Him say that Satan was directly involved in stifling my college education. No lie...then He said these exact words. "What if Jenny Hayes is going to write a book about the mentally ill? What if Katie Lorentzon is going to find a cure for the mentally ill? What if you are going to be instrumental in finding a cure? Can you believe for that?
After that God shifted the dream and I just began to have glimpses of heaven. I saw acres upon acres of beautiful landscape. It was breathtaking. I was panning through these vision quickly. I began to get an understanding of eternity and God's wisdom. Not only is He the creator of the universe. He is the creator of heaven. A large expanse of the beauty of God. We will have eternity to experience layer upon layer of pleasure and His glory. I also saw the Father. I was thinking all kinds of thoughts. He smiled and then began to laugh with great delight. He was just so happy to hear my thoughts. His laugh was enormous and I guess the best way to describe it is fatherly.
I have actually had a lot of dreams that involve hell as well. I think some people are fearful of this. But, I think to understand God you have to understand hell as well. In my dream I actually addressed Satan. I saw him on the wall. I am not suggesting I know what Satan looks like. It may have just been a concept. But basically he had the image of God, but was extremely evil looking. I took that to mean that he tries to imitate God, but is a failure and extremely wicked. He was trying to make me afraid. He was also trying to confuse me. But, I was resolute. I continued to fight him. The number six went past me and then I saw fire. Then I was transferred to a deep ocean that was extremely murky and green. I was made aware that this was a region of hell. There were evil looking green creatures that were in my estimation demons. The ocean was enormous and you felt hopeless and cut off from any safety. Then suddenly laser beams began to shoot at the green creatures and it was apparent to me that this was the Lord fighting. I know this is a strange dream. Even over the top. But, it was my dream none the less.

Aslan

I watched the new Narnia movie. I liked the first one better, but that doesn't mean this one was bad. I still got a huge thrill when that bold, lovable lion graced the stage with his presence. C S Lewis is one of my inspirations for writing. I have a new desire to read the books again.

I Am Going to the Holy Land!!!

God is so good. I have been praying about a possible trip to Israel. I am now beginning the process of setting things up to head to Israel. I will let people know how the process goes. This is a major dream for me and for the first time this dream is looking like a reality! Praise God.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

New hair do. I like it.

Polotics

I am not a political person. I think most of our governmental process is corrupt and extremely annoying. I try to stay as uninvolved as possible. I like to watch the news, so it is all together impossible not to hear about the election race. I always have opinions on the candidates, but rarely share them. I don't think my opinions are too well informed so they don't usually hold water. Like I said I am not a political person. But, I have to say that I truthfully don't like any of the candidates this go round. They seem like people pleasers and fake. I just have this eerie feeling that whoever the candidates is we won't have a positive four years.

WoHoo!!!

Eight days and counting!

Two Tid Bits

I am not usually a conformist, but I joined the 30,000 plus people on YouTube. I watched the Battle at Kruger. I must admit I found it rather accelerating. Very worth the 8 minutes. If you haven't heard of it or seen it I suggest you follow the link and check it out!


I am praying about a possible trip to Israel. I have the ability to go now. I just want to make sure that I am suppose to go. This has been a life long dream. It could happen within the year. Exciting I know, but also intimidating. I have never flown and I have never been out of the States. I am not afraid just unfamiliar. Pray for me!

Take It To The Hoop!

I informed the blogging world that I love to play basketball. One bummer is I don't really have anyone to play against. Or rather I haven't made the effort to find someone to play against. I know it may seem trivial to people who don't play basketball, but for me this is really bothersome. Not only do you loose more calories when you play against someone you also have more fun! Well tonight I went to Hillside and the guys wanted to play a game. I was welcomed to join the game and they used my ball. Three on three. Not to brag, but my team ended up being the victors. But, actually it was close the whole time. It was so awesome to feel the rush of a full fledged basketball game. I honestly had so much fun. It is so wonderful to have Christian brother to hang out with and shoot hoops with. I hope we do it again sometime!