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Thursday, April 03, 2008

I am a Complete Heathen

So in a post awhile back I unveiled that I do not understand the cross. I will in this post display the reasons why. I realize my confession paints me a heathen. But, I can't deny my struggle. I have been a supporter of the gospel since I was very young. Surely I should have grasped the concept of the cross by now.....uh not so much.

1. How could God the Father whose love for the Son is boundless and supernatural bring Himself to brutally kill His beloved Son?
In Isaiah 53 some disturbing words present themselves. "It was the Lord's will to crush Him." That phrase has haunted me longer than I care to admit. What motivation could possibly move the Father to brutally kill His beloved Son? What depth of insight and wisdom could ever come to the conclusion that sacrifice was the plan of salvation? We have Jesus the only begotten of the Father. The perfect representation of love, beauty, and divinity. How could one ever come to the conclusion that His death would be at all pleasing? God's love is indescribable. His love for His Son is boundless. How could this love ever move the Father to sacrifice His Son? I admit I am perplexed. I guess I can see how Jesus's willingness to die would be a reason for God to love Him. Jesus example of obedience would move any heart. Still why would the Father demand such obedience? I realize I am wretched for asking such questions. But, I must know!!! I must deal with the sickness of my soul and find wisdom in the midst of sorrow.

2. We aren't worth it!!!
Rom 5:6-86 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
I think out of all my confusion this is the most heated! We are not worth the precious blood of Christ. Honestly, not a single soul on the earth is worth the shed blood of Christ. I come to this conclusion out of hidden pride. I want to say that the world is deserving of such love. But, in fact we are sinners. We are prone to mocking our God, ignoring His law, and constantly rebelling. I have become more aware of this truth in recent month. My own behavior has been extremely rebellious and ugly. Most assuredly I want to serve God, but I fail in many ways. Jesus has no cause to die. I say this because there is truly no rational reason why the most precious human ever to walk the earth should have to face such torture. Especially on account of human beings who take the sacrifice for granted.

3. The cross as a catch phrase
I will dare to say that many people use the cross as a cheap hallmark invitation. There is no revelation, no insight, no true unveiling of the need for such love. The cross has become dull by our use of it. I dare to say that people use the cross as an invitation to sinners without truly rationalizing the weight of it. We wear the cross as a fashion statement in the form of a necklace never realizing what that action professes. We aren't broken enough.

I guess I am embittered that my Husband had to die. And that my friends is the truth of it. He is cheapened by our words, our actions, and our mindsets. And for this utter display of wretchedness and apathy He dies a brutal death. But, unfortunately for the me the revelation that we are not worth it still doesn't ease the pain of His passing. It is beyond me and I can't grasp it. It is so easy for me to chant the Christian mantra, but oh so much harder to comprehend it. I honestly do not have the insight or the heavenly wisdom to rationalize such an occurrence. And to tell you the truth I shutter to even ask for it. Do I really want to know what the Father's emotions were on that day? Do I dare step into that realm of mystery? Do I even in my holy fear realize how much my trembling is subdued and worthless? I can't attain such a wisdom for I fear to. My fragile heart doesn't want to know.


Joshy said...

ok I have to comment! The cross is what made this man your husband!
Ok lets deal with your objections one by one.
1. How / why would God do this to His Son. - First Jesus said yes. He could have said no, but for the joy set before him he said yes. His reasons were good enough for Him It WAS worth it Jesus will say that forever with a smile on His face
2. We aren't worthy. You are darn right we aren't worthy, but Father God IS worthy. The cross was about SO MUCH MORE than saving you and me from Hell. It WAS about that but it was ALSO about showing forth the Glory of His Father. The only way God could be His merciful self AND His Holy and righteous self in the same breath was the cross. It is far more important that God be himself than it is that we are saved. God saving us is God being Himself. That is why He saved us. Not because of our intrinsic worth.
3. The cross as a catch phrase. You are right the Christian world has made the cross a thin gold ornament around our necks. It is so much uglier and more beautiful than that! Do not allow religion's devaluing of the cross steal from you revelation of it.

Do not shy away from the revelation of the cross. It is the most beautiful and most powerful picture of your groom. The cross is why Jesus came. To show us the Father.

Tamara said...

I knew you would comment. You have such a love for the cross. I feel extremely filthy for admitting I struggle with this. I like your insight about the cross being more than just saving you and me. I realize it was a display of God's glory. I will consider this more.