Rarely

I have peace that I shouldn't possess. My life is one big mess, but my soul is at rest. College is the least of my worries at the moment. My heart isn't at Taylor right now. Certainly, I still want to graduate. Certainly, I want to learn more about theatre, writing, my community, and faith. There are numerous opportunities to reach the community. Numerous opportunities to serve, but I don't have the capacity to give these people anything. For instance, a respected professor is having a fundraiser for an adoption. I don't have money to help, plus I would rather attend the wonder woman movie showing. If I go to the fundraiser, I will just be sorrowful for the millions of orphans in our world. I will be depressed that I have nothing to offer them, but my prayers and worship. 

Recently, the phrase "don't build your own kingdom" or "don't live for your own glory" have rung in my heart. I feel like most of my life looks like I seek my own glory. I fear I haven't reached out to others enough. I know this is a lie of Satan. I know he wants to present me as a withing fig tree, but I am not a fig tree. I am a person. A unique person designed for a specific purpose. This prunning process is hard because I feel so seperated from people I once loved. Maybe God just wants me in Gethseme for the moment, praying that His will be done. I don't really know if this is accurate. All I know is I want  love God for eternity and nothing else really matters.