CEC Jealosy

My last few post have been about my experience at the International House in Kansas City. This post will be no different.
During a worship set, I sat close to a section reserved for dancers. There were three young Asian girls twirling and worshipping through dance. These girls were gifted too! They weren’t randomly frolicking back and forth. They were accomplished ballerinas, at least for their age.

These girls stirred a hidden flame within me. I love to worship the Lord through dance. Unfortunately, Satan has shackled me. He constantly makes me feel like a fool whenever I try to worship through dance. But, I know God derives pleasure from this art called dance. I want to be free like these three dancing Asian girls.

Truthfully, I also felt deep jealousy. These girls are growing up in an atmosphere where numerous forms of worship are accepted. When I attended church as a youngster, I had two options: stay in the pew and color in a coloring book or go to the nursery to play with toys. IHOPKC has a Children’s Equipping Center. This center is rearing children in a model that is powerful, artistic, and rooted in the Word of God. I fear what IHOPKC is nurturing (a good fear). These kids will be unstoppable. I wish I had the luxury of being nurtured in a similar atmosphere. I know God put me in the church He ordained for me. But, I can’t deny I wanted something deeper.

Before I Knew

I received various revelations while at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. One revelation came softly. I sat at the back of the prayer room and gave myself permission to watch others plead before the throne room. I was surrounded by people with the same vision, desire, and passion. I was with family.

I then was reminded that the Kansas City's IHOP was birthed in 1999. This was the same year when God supernaturally gave me a spirit for intercession. I had never experienced the birthing pains of prayer until that year. I didn't have the theology for it. I simply began to weep and travail in the Spirit. God fashioned me for intercession before I even knew it existed.

He coupled this call for intercession with intimate worship. He was training me for the International House of Prayer before I even knew the IHOP model existed. (The IHOP model couples worship with prayer.) This is no coincidence; it is God at work.

It is comforting to know that I am not the only one. It reminds me of 1 Kings 19. In this chapter, Elijah is being hunted and feels all alone. But, God affirms there are 7,000 men who have not bowed their knees to Baal.

God reminded me that I belong somewhere. I am not an outcast. Not everyone thinks I am weird because I want to pray all day. Not everyone will scoff at my desire to seek God's kingdom above my own. God has reserved a remnant of intercessors and worshippers for Himself. My Potter has fashioned me (and others) for His presence.

Living as an Heir

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
(Romans 8:15-17)

The enemy is subtle. He lies to us constantly during our day. He uses condemnation to rob us of our sonship. He tells us that we are not good enough. He makes us live in fear of torment, instead of in faith and trust. He tells us that we must strive to earn God's affection. He tells us that God is angry.

Satan will even use a good message to make us feel inferior. He doesn't want us to live in freedom. He doesn't want us to live in our destiny. He doesn't want us to rest in the affections of the Father.

I have come to realize how often I unknowingly listen to the voice of condemnation. Satan doesn't want me to be a son of God, he wants me to be a hired servant. It has everything to do with an "orphan spirit".

Satan doesn't want anyone to understand that God is Abba, our Father. Jesus said we MUST become like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven. When you realize that God has intense love for you, even in discipline, you live as a heir. God LOVES His children and will make every provision to make sure they are satisfied, protected, and fruitful.

Prayer Room

I spent four days at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City this month. I was powerfully encountered at the Thursday awakening service. God healed me and affirmed His love for me. The awakening service was intense; however, I believe I will miss the prayer room the most.
I have attended four One Thing Conferences in my life. I also attended The Call Nashville and The Call Washington DC. I am accustomed to large prayer gatherings.
But, I realize I miss the intimate, constant presence afforded to me in the prayer room more than big meetings. Conferences and awakening services are wonderful, but nothing compares to the simplicity of the prayer room.
I sat in my chair, read my bible, and sang spontaneous choruses with the worship team. I was home. I was where I belonged. I was doing what I was made to do.
It is easy to latch onto the hype of revival. It is tempting to experience the power and never dedicate yourself to a sold-out prayer life. But, I am realizing I can do without the hype. All I really want to do is sit at His feet and listen to His whisper.

Healing

I attended an Awakening Service at the International House of Prayer on August 19th. I have numerous stories to share, all of them good!

Here is story number 1.

I will not embellish the truth. I will only give a simple testimony of God's healing power.

The Awakening Service was drawing to a close. I had already experienced God powerfully. I almost felt spoiled. I headed to my seat, hoping to watch other experience the power of God. I didn't want to be a glory hog.

Wes Hall called people forward who needed healing. I knew I needed healing, but I stayed in my seat. It wasn't out of disobedience. I simply didn't want to overwhelm myself. A few moments passed. Jessica, my friend, asked if she could pray for me. I said yes. She insisted I come to the front. My other friend, Rosalee, joined us.

Jessica prophesied over me. She told me that I needed to receive everything that the Lord wanted to give me. She said, "It hurts the Father's heart when you don't receive all He wants to give you." She said,"You feel like you don't deserve it, but you DO!!"

I postured myself to receive. I fought all the voices that were telling me I was unworthy. Wes Hall started to proclaim that God wanted to heal backs. My back has been messed up for almost three years. I have horrible posture and my back is out of alignment. I received the healing word by faith. That night nothing changed.

Yesterday, my arms, neck, back, shoulders started to move involuntarily. It felt like God's Spirit was becoming my chiropractor. Yesterday and today, I felt my spine align. Before when I sat down it took all my strength to hold my shoulders up. When I tried to keep good posture, it hurt.

NOT ANY MORE!!! Sitting up straight feels great!! My back is healed!! It really is!! This is the most amazing part about it: I don't believe it. I can tell I am healed. I feel completely different. But, my mind is still reeling. Sometimes you need faith for healing, but sometimes God does it despite your lack of faith. He is such a GOOD FATHER.

God confirmed my calling through this healing. He has confirmed His word over my life. Praise God!!

His Glory

Tonight I was conversing with someone who is battling for her life. She shared her difficult story, and my heart ached. But, her testimony didn't stop there. She marveled at God's plan for her life even in the midst of pain. She was holding to her faith, her hope, and resting in God's love.

I felt a wave of tender peace and healing during this conversation. I gave her a hug and felt the heat of the Father's love. In the midst of that embrace, the Holy Spirit belted into my spirit. "Tamara, this is My glory!"

In that moment, I realized God's glory is His love. Before I assumed it was some super power or the light of His brilliance. But, it isn't! It is His simple heart of love. His love created the world. His love saved the sinner. His love ministered to the broken.

I want to stop thinking that God's glory is some ethereal power or intangible wonder. God's love is pure, tender, simple, and available at request. His glory is His genuine friendship. All His power is restrained by this compulsion to love with simplicity and show mercy. He went to the cross, not to limit His power. But, to display His glory and power, which is His love.

My dear friends, the gospel is simple.

(A sermon, which solidify this concept of GLORY, was given by Corey Russell. It is entitled Declaring His Name. I highly recommend it!!)

Shake Off the Dust

I had the privilege of going to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. This anointed, strategic movement of the spirit is forever marked on my heart. God pulled back the veil and spoke tenderly to me.

I have heard the Lord's voice of love over my life. I know that God has deep affections for me. He has validated it through dreams, prophetic words, and inner groans. But, I often shy away from His pronouncements of love because they are too wonderful. God is asking me to respond to His love even when the devil tells me I am unworthy. He is asking me to receive and live in His ocean of love.

God tore off my garment of shame. He conquered the inner turmoil and shined His light. I went from being a slave to a son. I went from being a peasant to a princess. I went from rags to riches.

God is roaring His love for me. He won't let me take my eyes off Him. He won't let me doubt His love for me. He wants me near. He wants me close. I feel the longing of His heart.

God's voice is resounding and reverberating in my spirit. He is saying, "Don't settle for less than what I have called you to be. See yourself the way I see you. Be the burning and shinning lamp and stop hiding. Have confidence in My love. You deserve my love and my gifts. Stop shying away from my thundering and melt at my whispers of love. Now is the time for you to shine."

I won't be able to describe the encounter I had during one the awakening service, but I know it was just that: AN AWAKENING. I am shaking off the dust and renouncing all hindrances to love.

Personal Revival

I am experiencing revival. The good news is renewing me like never before. I sat too long under condemnation and the fear of punishment. I don't exactly know why this change is happening now. I don't know what sparked it, but I see Christ in a whole new light. It is only by His grace. This joy is unspeakable and full of glory. I hope I can impart it to those around me. It is the best feeling in the world! The cure to every ailment, stop listening to the accuser's voice. Satan, you are a liar and I am God's daughter.

Scripture Battles

Most Christian know that the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan. If you are unfamiliar with this encounter, you can find the account at this link: Matthew 4: 1-11

Most who read this section of scripture notice that Satan uses the Word of God to tempt the Lord to sin.

Christians have a similar practice. They throw scripture at each other, hoping to win the other over. There are many motivations to do this: genuine concern, pride, a desire to be right, or a fear of false teachings.

This post is not directed at believers. Instead, I wish to sooth non-believers' doubts. Often when non-believers listen to Christians argue theology, they come to two dangerous conclusions: Christians aren't unified, and the Bible is full of contradiction. 

Unfortunately, we Christians have flaws... all of us. We look up the scripture that supports our claims and ignore the scripture that hurts our claims. We take scripture out of context to win an argument. 

I am not trying to judge anyone because I do this myself. I am only revealing this weakness so non-believers won't be jaded by our Christian perspectives. Instead, I long for them to search the scriptures themselves. Don't get a hand-me-down, go directly to the source.

Remember that Satan knows scripture inside and out. He chooses to dishonor it and manipulate people with it. Don't make any surface judgements about God's word. Meditate in it, soak in it, study it, and revere its power. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Cast Them Off

I carry too many heavy yokes. I think too many of us do. These condemning voices tell us our worship isn't pure enough, our prayers aren't heard, our love isn't enough, and our sins are too strong. These controlling voices tell me I believe wrong, hope wrong, act wrong, and live wrong. These voices tell me I am not worthy and I am not accepted.

I am warring against these voices now. Too long have I lived as a victim; it is now time to overcome. It is already decided! I will be the person God created me to be. Accusations will be silent. I will rest in the destiny God purposed for me before creation. I discard all those rejections mounting against me. I exalt the pure gospel and find I am beloved, bought, and saved.

I silence all those voices that try to rob me of my inheritance! I cast off everything that hinders me. I am bought with a price, and I receive the FREE gift of salvation. No more striving, no more condemnation, and no more fear!

Galatians 4:21-31

A Comforting Rebuke

There is a moment in the Gospels when Jesus rebukes the Pharisees. This harsh rebuke has comforted me in my walk with the Lord. Here is that rebuke:

"You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; it is these that testify about Me; and you are unwilling to come to Me so that you may have life. (John 5:39-40)

This rebuke brings me comfort when I fail as a scholar. I study my Bible the best way I know how, but that effort is not impressive. I even took a year of New Testament Greek. This new language only forced me to recognize that I have more to learn.

Scripture is a vast ocean of knowledge, and it will never be exhausted. Jesus knew the scriptures better than all those Pharisees put together.

Why do we study the scripture? It is not only to approve us as workmen who rightly handle the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15) That is a necessary part. But, beyond that, we study scripture to encounter Jesus. Every word and every line points to the beautiful man Jesus Christ.

When I feel foolish and unlearned, I find peace knowing that Jesus has come to give me life. I can trust His Holy Spirit to guide me into all truth. Scripture is not only a bunch of laws I need to follow. It isn’t even a prescription on how to be wiser than the next guy. Scripture is a man, a holy man. (John 1)